Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Out with the old and in with the new...

So, it's 9:40 p.m. on New Years Eve and I'm sitting at home - doing 100% nothing. Not that we didn't have a fun festive evening. We went to a local fast food restaurant for dinner - kids had kid meals, I had a fish sandwich (don't judge - I'm pregnant) and TC... well, TC had the pot roast dinner with mashed potatoes and green beans. I thought I might puke... What could be worse! The green beans were so green I thought they were wax. Whatever - it's a holiday. Knock yourself out. After dinner we took the kids to see a movie. High School Musical 3! We've now seen the trilogy... Don't be jealous. Next new years you too can go to the budget theater and see a Disney movie (movie was actually super cute - I'm just afraid now that I'm going to have to sign the boys up for dance class).
I went to the Dr. yesterday. I'm 2 cm dilated and 50% blah, blah, blah. What that means is - who knows. I'm miserable and uncomfortable and I'm not sleeping. However, since I've missed the deadline for the tax write off I'd rather just let baby boy caboose plump up a little. However, he's dropped so low I'm afraid he's going to fall out in the snow (I know, TMI). I go back to the Dr. Monday so maybe I'll have some additional information for you.
Well, I just wanted to write and wish everyone out in blog land a very Happy New Year. Here's hoping we all have a prosperous, healthy and exciting 2009. Peace out!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Haul out the holly (and wrapping and bows)...

I know I've been super lazy about blogging lately. I apologize. Take it as my gift to you - a couple weeks of not having to read about how much I dislike Satan's Pants, how flippin' cold it is here, and how uncomfortable I am not that I'm inching towards 9 months pregnant. My family is tired of hearing it - I figured you would be too. If not, you can email, call or comment and I'll give you the low down of how horrible it is to be outside when the windchill is 30 below and you're wearing a cape that flies in the wind (the news reported a bat man sighting), how my socks cut into my swollen ankles and I look like big mama in house shoes that need to be cut open to squeeze my foot into, and how if I spend one more minute in the bathroom I will have officially spent more time going tinkle than doing ANYTHING else this month.
Christmas is in 3 days! I can't believe it. I have a mountain of things to do and I'm just not sure it's all going to get done. I've grocery shopped, but I may have to change the menu to cold cuts, white bread and Boones Farm. If I get everyone drunk enough they won't know the difference. I have almost all the gifts bought - but ZERO wrapped. I HATE wrapping. I love packages that have beautiful ribbons etc. but I just can't do it. Gift bags were invented for me. However, little boys like to rip into paper so TC and I need to get busy wrapping. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean Santa gets to fall down on the job this year. I'm too tired right now - I'll have to start tomorrow...
If I don't post again before Christmas, I hope everyone has a fabulous holiday and gets to spend lots of quality time with their loved ones. Hugs and Peace from Peaches and Cheese!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Snow days...

I know, I know, it' been a while. However, you should cut me some slack. I've been super busy floating around like a giant Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon and between Thanksgiving, Christmas with Nana and Papa and having swollen ankles, aching feet and an all around bad attitude about the size of my butt, I just haven't had time to blog - or anything to really tell you guys about. However, I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you so here I am for your enjoyment. Yes, I know I'm a giver...
Today we're having a snow day. No, I didn't declare a snow day - Satan's Pants called off school. I have to admit I'm a bit baffled by the entire thing. The past few years that we've had to watch out for school closings we've never had a "snow" day. We've been off plenty of times because it was too cold for the kids to have to stand at the bus stop (I think it has to be 30 below with the wind chill for them to call of school), but we've never had a snow day because we're getting too much snow. I'm sure the kids don't mind but I was actually hoping to get some things done and having both of them home fighting over who gets to be Luke Skywalker on the Wii is REALLY annoying... If I felt better I would have some arts and crafts around or something but I don't. The little one would paint and do all that - the older one would just assume NOT do anything that involved the word ART. Since I feel miserable on top of being 33 weeks pregnant I'm not real sure what I'll get accomplished. So, here's to a day of Lego Star Wars, yelling and beating each other with light sabers - Cheers...
I'll try and blog more in the coming weeks. After that I can't make any promises. Baby caboose is getting big, moving around and being active. The only problem so far is that he's upside down (or sideways really). Next time I go to the dr. if he hasn't "engaged" then we'll have to do an ultrasound to see where he is and then they'll try and move him. Whatever - let's just get the show on the road! My blood pressure is unusually good (it tends to sky rocket about this time in my pregnancies but hasn't - even with all my financial market concerns that I really know nothing about and everything else) which is good and bad. Good because it can't be good for caboose for my blood pressure to go up, bad because I can't guarantee being induced and that really freaks me out.
Well, the yelling has started. Must go referee... TTFN!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Stupid dog...

I lied - I thought that I wouldn't be blogging again until after the holiday - but I'm so boiling mad/relieved right now that I just had to post - and try to bring down my blood pressure. My beloved dog ran away tonight. Yeah, yeah he's back and fine but not until I had flipped out and almost had a heart attack! You have to know my dog. He loves me very much. Either that or I eat a lot and he wants to be next to me in case I decide to share. Regardless, he's always under my feet and he likes it there. He prefers to go outside - potty - and come right back in. He follows me to the bathroom, bed and everywhere else. So why pray-tell he would run away beats me.
Tonight I was putting up the Christmas stuff. I let the dog out, packed up a box of fall decor and went to let him back in. He wasn't there. He also wasn't in the back yard and didn't come when I called. I put on my slippers - in 20 degree weather - and walked around the house looking for him. I couldn't find him. I went in and grabbed a flashlight thinking maybe he was playing one of his "games". Still didn't see him. I yelled for him (no, I don't care if the neighbors were sleeping - my freaking dog was missing). Then I went 100% bat poop crazy...
As I mentioned before my husband is out of town. So, I had to wake the kids up, got them re-dressed, put them in the van and go looking for the dog. No, I did not have any idea which way he would have gone or where he might be, but I couldn't stay in the house and hope for the best - it's 20 freaking degrees and even my furry best friend knows how stupid that is! I parked at every second house and got out and searched with my flashlight (again - don't care) and then I did the unthinkable. I called my husband, who is stuck on an island, hunting (yes, I know stupid) and started crying over the phone demanding that he tell me where my dog is (he didn't know - go figure). TC said to leave the light on in the garage and listen for him to scratch on the door. Great idea honey! I'll just sleep on the kitchen floor tonight and hope for the best. Whatever. I then decided to walk down towards the lake and see if he tried to go in the water (yes he's a lab but he hates to swim - it was a last resort kind of thing). I'm not sure what I was going to do in this instance - I suppose throw him a raft. I then also flipped out thinking that if he didn't come home tonight he would be outside tomorrow morning, freezing, when the blaze orange hunters got up and they might think he was a white tailed doe (you know, because he doesn't have horns). I decided to make one more lap around the neighborhood when I saw the idiot dog. He ran to the van and tried to jump in the front seat - with me. Apparently dummy was as scared as I was (however, he didn't wake up the kids or call TC but whatever).
So, I have found my dog. I've also scared my children, caused my husband to loose his buzz and tripled my blood pressure. However, I don't care. I have my dog - right by my feet where he belongs.

Deer Widows Weekend

This weekend the people of Satan's Pants call two things - The beginning of deer hunting week or Deer Widows Weekend. Either way it means the boys are hunting (and some ladies too if you enjoy traipsing through the bitter cold in head to toe blaze orange) and the ladies are left to their own devises -shopping, drinking, eating - and not necessarily in that order. Usually I enjoy these weekends. Typically I find a sitter and go to a movie or out to dinner with friends. This year I'm home - alone - bored.
Not that I don't have a to do list from here to Georgia. I do. I just don't have the energy or desire. I wanted to decorate for Christmas (minus the tree), clean the house, make a grocery list, and start/finish my Christmas cards. So far I've attempted to clean the house, I've rummaged through the basement to find my Christmas decor and I've thought real hard about the list and cards. Maybe tomorrow I'll think about them again...
This week is going to be a monster of a busy week. I have a conference with both boys teachers, I have a Thanksgiving feast at work (we're having hot beef - who the heck has hot beef for Thanksgiving) and I have my to do list all before my parents come Wednesday night. If I don't get my list accomplished I hope they aren't disappointed with a half decorated house and no food. I can live off Rice Krispies and diet coke - why can't they.
If I don't have time to blog during the next week or so I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving. For everyone traveling - stay safe. For everyone staying home, enjoy yourself and for goodness sakes don't have hot beef!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Still looking...

It's getting cold here in Satan's Pants - and we all know how I feel about that. I think it stinks! I missed summer this year being sick and immobile, tried to enjoy fall until the credit crisis hit, the democrats took over all aspects of Washington and a recession freaked me out to the point that I've read EVERY report imaginable trying to figure out when this will end and what I can do to keep afloat (apparently nothing - the reports have titles like Worst Christmas Season ever, Dismal 2009, We're all going down blah blah blah). It's been very difficult to become motivated to do anything when I have to tote around my laptop to check the DOW and see what CNN and Fox news has for my reading enjoyment...
Enough about that. So, this year I'm as big as a house and cold. Obviously my coat doesn't fit. I was going to buy a bigger size but I wasn't positive that would work or be worth the money. I'm not sure how much bigger I'll get (apparently 10 more cm according to earth mother mid-wife) or if a size or two will work (I refuse to buy a coat bigger than that - I have my limits). I also don't want to waste the money on a coat that I'll only wear for a couple month. Instead of a coat then my mom talked me in to buying a cape. Can you say RIDICULOUS! I wore it for the first time yesterday. I'm one tam away from looking like my grandmother! TC called me Count Duku, and I think the boys are discussing if I look like Batman or the Joker. To make matters worse, they've only seen the black side. This bad boy is reversible - it's bright red on the other side. If ANYONE says anything about me looking like a Christmas ball if I wear the red side I swear they'll regret taking the breath to say that. I'm the worst pregnant woman ever and I don't need the criticism from people I may or may not even like just because I look ridiculous. However, I stimulated the economy by buying that heap of fabric so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
I'm putting up the Christmas decorations this weekend. Don't judge! TC is out of town and it seemed like the perfect time to get it done. I'm not putting up the tree or garland yet - I'll wait until my dad gets here next weekend and give him a project - like fix us some coffee while we watch TC put up the tree :) I remember a lot of swear words as a youngster while my dad fought with the tree and the lights. I think it's only fair that he is around to observe the same from TC. Although, TC would say shucks or crumps or something polite like that. He's nice and I become impatient and start throwing things and yelling. Maybe this year I won't have the energy to throw things. I've been told I'm no longer allowed to yell. Whatever... I'll stop yelling when you move me someplace warm and happy where the people say ya'll and ma'am. Until then cover your flippin ears and fix the economy!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Where is my happy place?

So, the election is over - thank goodness. The phone has barely rang since Tuesday. I'm actually kind of lonely. Now instead of the commercials being political they're Christmas! I would say it's too early for that but I'm decorating the house next weekend so why not get in the spirit. My mom and dad are coming to Satan's Pants for Thanksgiving and to celebrate Christmas so I figured I would go ahead and have it (almost) finished. Also, since the election is over and my guy lost, a little Christmas spirit should help with the depression running through the house. We can take a month to reflect on something and someone else more important.
I really don't have a lot to say. I'm SUPER BUMMED about the election. I really hope that the President Elect is either going to change some of his policies or come to his senses. I hope that he realizes almost 1/2 the country does not agree with him and if he wants to run again in 4 years he needs to be more centered. I hope the good things he's promised he'll follow through with. I hope Nancy Pelosi is put in her place and told to shut up and get that stupid grin off her face before I slap her into next Thursday (OK, I'm being nasty I'll stop).
I've taken a week to try and deal with some of these issues before I ranted about them but I'm still ticked, scared and worried about the state of my country. I'm concerned for the future of my children, myself, my husbands job (which is in health care - as in Health Insurance) and the future of everyone I care deeply about. I'm concerned that my husband is going to go off the deep end and take me with him. I'm worried that my midwife isn't going to let me take any meds for my irrational behavior. I'm worried that I may have to hit TC in the face with a stick (and if I do - he TOTALLY deserves it).
I wasn't going to rant about politics here. I realize some of my "readers" may feel differently than I do. I do not mean to offend. However, this is my blog and if you don't like it you don't have to read it. Hopefully soon I'll feel like writing a what not to wear blog and we can be friends again then. This is my place to get things off my chest - deal...
Now, I'm not saying that the current administration has done a bang up job. They have not. However, I always thought the trickle down effect worked a lot better than the trickle up. I guess though if after the inauguration TC's job is eliminated, we have to sell our beautiful home and live in a shack then I will come to appreciate the spread the wealth. Who though is going to have the wealth to spread - not us - it's been taken it away.
OK enough - everyone think of rainbows, puppies and babies and feel better. I'm going to go do my breathing exercises and see if I can find my happy place. I promise my next post will be more uplifting - for you anyway. TTFN!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Stop calling - I'm voting!

Now that Halloween is over we have to start focusing on voting Tuesday. I'm ready to stand in line to cast my vote - Satan's pants doesn't offer early voting - even if it's against the opinion of many. As nervous as I am about the state of the country (more after Tuesday than right this minute - however, I'm not "discussing" my politics here so no one needs to get their panties in a wad) I'm REALLY looking forward to Wednesday when it's all over.
I'm am registered with my party. I am not registered as an independent but have aligned myself straight party. My husband is registered as an independent (although with this election he makes me look more Nancy Pelosi to his Newt Gingrich which is scary) as he doesn't want to be aligned with a certain party (come on TC, but on your big boy pants and declare yourself). Between the two of us we've given in the hundreds of dollars to "MY" party (I know, I know we're awesome) to help with their election. Our presidential candidate and congressional candidates have used our hard earned money to make their awesome commercials, clever print ads and automated telephone calls.
I've HAD IT with the phone calls. One would think that if I've registered with a certain party that party wouldn't have to call me 270 times a day. You've got my vote - call someone else! I could almost see the opposite party calling - maybe seeing if I've changed my vote, maybe they can persuade me to change my vote - however, they've only called a handful of times. My party won't stop calling! They need to take my $100 dollars and call someone else. I know they aren't calling to persuade TC - he signed the checks! Prank call the idiots down the street for all I care but STOP CALLING ME! I don't even pick up the phone anymore. Today is Saturday, 10 a.m., and I've already gotten a call. I could recycle political mail into bricks and build a house. And if I hear "I approve this message" one more time I'm going to throw one of the bricks at the TV (luckily we have Tivo so I just pause and fast forward).
I'm looking forward to this all being over. I'm hoping not to have to hear about it from EVERYONE - neighbors, people at work, the poor kids who don't understand, and the campaigns themselves. I'm hoping to getting back to focusing on other things like do the boys want a Millennium Falcon or an AT- TE for Christmas (I have no idea what either of them are but I've heard almost as much about them as I have McCain and Obama) and does the caboose really need to kick me as hard as he does.
Everyone needs to vote. It's very important and is part of your civic duty. You can't complain if you don't vote - and everyone knows I'll need an excuse to complain. So,do your part, cast your vote and be proud to be an American!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!!!!

We had a fairly uneventful Halloween. Excluding the sugar high we did pretty well. The boys dressed up like a Clone Trooper and Darth Vadar. Pretty scary. It was a beautiful warm day here today - low 60's - so it was perfect for Trick or Treating. It's never been this warm on Halloween here before. The boys are usually in hats and mittens (or socks on their hands if I haven't gotten around to finding mittens for the year - which I haven't) and long underwear and look more like snowmen than whatever they've dressed up as. This year I still had them in long underwear - we can't break tradition - and when they got home after running house to house they were burning up. The little one was on such a sugar high that he kept yelling for me to take off his costume.
Last year TC bought a stupid mad scientist named Dr. Shivers that says spooky crap and holds candy. I hate him. The little one was afraid of him last year and things didn't get much better this year. We brought him upstairs from the basement last weekend and put him in the dining room. Darth wouldn't go in the dining room all week. He kept telling me "I'm tough, I'm not scared" but wouldn't go in the dining room alone. I wanted to take a picture of him and Dr. Shivers but he wouldn't go near him. We've used Dr. Shivers as a threat - like shape up or you're going in the basement with Dr. Shivers. Whips him into shape every time. When his brother gets mad at him he goes and turns him on so he'll talk. The little one can't handle it. It's mean I know but sometimes you've gotta do what you gotta do :) Dr. Shivers is going back in the basement tomorrow. The little one can stay with me.
Hope everyone had a spooktacular Halloween and had some boolicious candy! I told my neighbor that I was craving butterfingers so she gave me at least 12 full size bars. TC was super embarrassed. Whatever.
Now let's get ready for Thanksgiving - Gobble Gobble.... and Christmas. Santa will be here before you know it (lawdy, lawdy).

Sunday, October 26, 2008


I am beyond annoyed right now - totally. 100%. annoyed. In the next 2 months I have to get through Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not to mention we have school events, TC is going hunting, my family is coming for a visit, Christmas parties, shopping etc. all before we have our third child in January. No pressure really. In that time I need to accomplish a multitude of projects here at the house. I need to convert a storage area into a play room, convert a play room into a real room, remove tacky furniture that I hate and TC insists we may need some day (maybe for the bonfire I'll have in the back yard if it's not removed soon but not for anything else), and set up a nursery. I would like all of this done before Thanksgiving so I can sit on my large and in charge ass and eat peppermint bark and watch sappy movies during the Christmas season.
Here is the GIANT problem - my husband. He has absolutely zero desire to get anything done. Yesterday after breakfast he wanted to make a game plan. I was elated. I thought that maybe we would have some of the hard stuff finished before the end of the weekend. After looking at all the crap we have to do he basically turned off his listening ears and decided to find anything else he could do instead of what we had just discussed. Yesterday he swept the kitchen, went to the grocery store, made chicken dip and cheddar biscuits for a party we were going to and though it might be a good time to finally change the knobs on the closet doors in the basement that I've wanted changed for a year now. The screws were too short so he was going to go to the hardware store. That's when I threatened his life. I totally appreciated the sweeping and the baking since it needed to be done anyway but seriously. This morning he decided today was the day he was going to go help his parents rake their yard. As much as they do for us and as much as they deserve our help, I'm not sure why today out of the last 5 freaking years was the day he needed to rake. I told him if he left the house without getting the crap out of the soon to be play area he could just stay at his parents. He accomplished that - and when he gets home he's going to take the trash to his truck so in 6 months he can take it to a dump somewhere. So stupid.
I realize I'm also procrastinating at doing what needs to be done. However, I'm 6 months pregnant and have an excuse. What's his excuse - too damn dumb? NO! He's not - he's super smart and kind of helpful and if caboose doesn't have a place to sleep when he gets here I'm going to be pissed!!!!! I realize the baby can sleep in a box if need be. However, if you or he thinks I'm going to have more energy after the baby gets here then you're all smokin the crack pipe!
I'm going to go and get something accomplished. Tonight I'm going to lay on the floor and moan about the pain in my backside that won't go away from doing too much work. I'm then going to go to bed and take all the covers. Tomorrow I'm not going to wash any of his underwear and fix his least favorite meal. Then I'm going to complain about my back all over again. Two can play your game TC and everyone knows mama always wins.

UPDATE: Jackass showed up an hour late from helping his folks. He was "impressed" with what I had accomplished. Wanted a hug - did not get one. Didn't understand why I was annoyed today when he told me about this yesterday. Answer: I reserve the right to become annoyed at any time. He is now building the shelves we bought - at 5:30. I guess he's showing me. Now I'll be forced to clean up the current play room and start moving crap. However, I can't do that by myself either. Do I have to pout again next weekend? Probably...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Yes officer...

As I have said before, I am the worlds slowest driver. I only drive 70 on the highway (speed limit is 65) and I'll only go 5 miles over on other roads. However, tonight I was pulled over for speeding. I was apparently going 41 in a 25. First of all, when the entire 5 mile road is 35 mph, why in the world would less than 1/4 of it be 25? Why go to the trouble? I suppose to have a reason to pull someone over and make some extra money for Satan's pants. The officer said it was because there are children at that end of the street. Well, here's a news flash - there are children on my end of the street by my neighborhood too but that speed limit is 35, plus there's a school and a playground in the middle of the street and the limit is 35 (it's a long street and no it's technically not residential). What makes the west side so damn special that they get to call and complain about the crazy speeders? So stupid.
Here's another thought - when you see a pregnant woman in a navy blue mini van does that scream speed demon? No, it screams "she doesn't realize that the speed limit is different for the west side of the street". What part of sensible mom car do you not understand? And what part of "I'm pregnant and I need to potty" don't you understand?
As I was waiting for the officer to come back and tell me I owed him $250 for driving over the speed limit several cars drove by. Even though it's a two lane road they all had to stop and take a look. Apparently they needed to see if it was one of their neighbors getting a ticket or just another hoodlum in a blue mini van. I didn't recognize any of the rubber neckers, but I was "fixin" to show them some southern hospitality with my middle finger if they didn't move on. Getting a ticket is stressful enough, being stared out by people in a 1984 Trans Am, who are probably on their way to Shoots to have a few is just wrong.
After Officer James went and looked me up on his handy dandy computer he came back and gave me a written warning. Apparently I have a clean record and he wants to help me keep it that way. I think he just realized that I wasn't blowing smoke up his yahoo when I said I didn't realize it was a 25 mph zone. A pregnant women in a mini van would not make something like that up. However, I must admit I did thicken up my accent for him just a little. You gotta shake what your mama gave you when you need to :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Bar Crawl

A friend of my husbands from Atlanta came to our neck of the woods for a quick visit last week. Apparently he's from here, but his family was smart enough to move south many years ago. He went to a football game with TC and they had a great time. Football here is the ONLY thing going on so they take their tailgating seriously. The friend said it was the best time he had had tailgating at a pro game (duh) but he and his wife had a blast tailgating for the Alabama game that was played at the Georgia Dome. Apparently they caught Marta, got off at every stop and hit a cool bar. Then got down to the Dome and drank some more. I thought this was an awesome idea! However, here's how it would go here:
We could start either at the bar right down the street from our house which is on the bay. I don't think they play music there so we would probably forgo that one and hit "Shoots" which is closer to the highway anyway. Shoots is one of those bars where most of the customers don't have teeth. The floor is gross, and the ceiling is a drop ceiling and I even feel tall (however the stains in the ceiling make you want to duck). I wouldn't order a mixed drink because I wouldn't want to use their glasses - who knows if they've been washed, and if you don't know any Hank William's Jr. you may as well leave (luckily I do remember a few from fraternity parties at West Georgia so I'm good to go).
Next we would head down an exit and pick up a six pack at the BP. We should probably get some cheese curds while we're there too.
The next exit's bar is the lovely biker bar we went to for a graduation party back in May. I'm pretty sure the theology major is still passed out under the table. They do however have a great jukebox with all kinds of fun 80's music. Again though, just order beer and don't make eye contact with a large man named tiny.
The following exit has a brand spankin new Chili's. You could order a margarita here. I think they have one that's blue. Wow - this is shaping up to be a really exciting bar crawl - snooze....
And now we're at the exit with the big pretty stadium. We have two choices here. We can park our car and have a tailgate party with beer and brats or we can hit one of the many skanky bars that are down by the stadium. I suppose it depends on the weather. This southern chick doesn't attend any outside sporting event in Satan's Pants after October. It's too cold and too stupid.
After the game, if our team has won, we can go across the street to a bar and have a few before we drive back the 4 exits to our house. If you go to a bar, you can bet you'll hear "Come On Eileen" at least 4 times since that seems to be the Satan's Pants theme song.
When we get back to the house we can attempt to sober up by snow blowing the driveway. Good times...

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Yeah hormones

I've been a terrible blogger lately. It's not that I don't want to humor you with my banter, I just don't have a lot to say. I have a bit of the pre "baby blues". This should not be confused with my all out hate of everything Satan's pants. That's another ailment all together. It seems that everything is bringing me down right now - winter, the economy/election, all clothes beginning with maternity, and now after watching Good Morning America and The View, Robin Roberts and breast cancer. Seriously - I think I need happy pills (do they let pregnant women take those?).
Fall in the Midwest is beautiful. It's crisp, cool and lovely. However, do you know what comes after fall? I can't even say it. It's like one of those bad words that I don't say but my sister does (she totally called me one in the comments of my last post - classy). I hate hate hate winter. This sweet southern girl was not meant to wear a parka and snow boots. I actually had a discussion with my husband the other night about whether I should buy these really soft mittens I found or if I should try and find some flip mittens instead since I was going to have to lug around a baby carrier (we're still pondering). That should not be a conversation! I know some of you are thinking that I'm worrying a bit early but I'm really not. Chances are I'll have to buy the boys long underwear to wear under their Halloween costumes. One year the little one had to wear socks on his hands because I hadn't bought him any mittens yet. We went to four houses before his nose was running and his fingers were frozen and he was screaming. Good times.
The economy is something I just can't talk about. Mainly because I'm not truly understanding the crisis. I have though become consumed with watching the stock market. I log in to yahoo every hour to see if it's gone up, down or stayed the same. I have no idea why though. It's obsessive compulsive and makes me sick and nervous. There is no telling why. I understand that we have major problems to work out. However, I have faith that things will work out at some point. I have faith in my husband that he will take care of my family. I'm worried about it like everyone else but I think I may have gone to an extreme.
Maternity clothes - need I say more? Stupid, ugly and more stupid. I look gross and fat and I'm not happy about it. The sad thing - I'm only going to get bigger. I won't stay this size. No - I'll expand even more until I freaking pop. Will it be worth it in the end - yes. Is it worth it to me right now that you're listening to me rant about tacky clothes - yes. Thank you for that.
As far as Robin Roberts goes - bless her. I've followed her story this past year and I think she's handled her situation with a lot of grace. Today however, it struck me a bit differently and I had to cry about it. Not once, but twice. She's doing fine, I'll be fine, we'll all be fine. However, some happy pills might make everything a bit more fine....

Friday, October 3, 2008

Dear sis...

Dear All About Owen,
In response to your letter, and because it's debate season, I have a few thought I wanted to share. Yes, it is 100% crap that Atlanta doesn't have any gas. Especially since it's a commuter town and 90% of the metro Atlanta population is probably still sitting on 75/85, 285 or 20 as we speak burning precious fuel. That stinks - especially since right now it is $4.00 a gallon. I will give Satan's pants a point for being able to avoid traffic - although our gas right now is $3.45 a gallon which is still stupid.
This morning however I would assume you did not wake up to the first frost of the season (it's only October 3rd for crying out loud). Your weather man didn't tell you that traditionally the first snow flakes fall sometime in October -which in my opinion is just plain wrong. And you my friend don't have to live in a Blue state.
I would love to tool to the home of the hit song "Everybody is somebody in Snellville" to watch bad football. I would love to be there so I can tell you to go burn more gas and fix your hair because I'm pretty sure brown on you isn't going to work (you're beautiful - just do something about your roots and call it a day), and I would love to give your precious little boy hugs and kisses until he tells me to go away (right now he has no idea who his aunt is and that is heart breaking). However, I can't because I'm stuck in SATAN'S PANTS.
So if we're keeping score I would have to say there are pro's and con's to each. However, in my opinion Atlanta is doing far better than this cow pasture I have to call home.
By the way - from my house I can't see Russia but I can smell poo from animals and there are flies galore since we live near a farm (which everyone here does). Kind of makes the pretty leaves a little less pretty...
Love you and miss you terribly,

Monday, September 29, 2008

Hello again, hello..

Sorry it's been so long. I've been super busy and haven't had a lot of time to rant - or really anything to rant about. Sure, some things have ticked me off - like the fact that comfortable shoes have to be ugly, UGA got their butts kicked by (I can't even say the name) and the economy is in shambles. Other than that I'm good.
My parents came for a quick visit last weekend. We had a nice time. We went to the farmers market, watched my oldest "play" football - he ran the wrong direction when he was quarterback so I wouldn't necessarily say he played. We ate - a lot - and watched football. We also took a trip up North to show my parents the AWESOME campground known as Yogi Bear. Worse -than - expected. For those of you who know my mom she has some photo's. Ingles Nook, please look at your own risk. I'm afraid you might wet your pants. I wasn't lying when I said that there was a giant Yogi bear statue in the front. As it turns out, there is also a lovely grouping of statues on top of the welcome center. So ridiculous! I think we've talked TC out of getting a camper and going to Yogi Bear - at least for a year. My dad asked him why he would want to go with a 5 month old. I guess he hadn't thought about that (duh). He's put off looking for a camper for a year. Hopefully I can come up with another reason next year as to why going to Yogi Bear and sleeping in a camper 10 feet away from another family (who may or may not have teeth or bathe) is not my idea of fun.
The baby is beginning to kick. Actually, baby is playing soccer in my tummy. As baby gets bigger I feel safe in saying he will probably kick harder and more often. I think the caboose and I need to have a little talk. I'm just over 5 months, already a little uncomfortable, fat as a house, and a bit cranky about the whole thing. I realize things get worse - I'm a professional at this now - but I'm not sure anyone can handle my attitude getting worse. Note to caboose - cool it with the kicks. They hurt mommy...
Everyone else is doing fine. The oldest is now a tiger scout and selling popcorn if you need any. He sold $160 worth at the Kwik Trip Saturday (true story - he and his dad set up a table outside and badgered people going in and out of the store). He's very proud of his accomplishment (as am I). I wouldn't have done as well. I don't like to sell things - just buy them. The little one and I are going to pick apples tomorrow with his school. He's quite excited. I have a feeling this may be a bit of a nightmare - he has no fear and I see him climbing the apple trees - but I think it will be fun. Good time, good times.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Ultrasound

Yesterday I had my ultrasound. I was super nervous. The first two times I was more concerned with the sex. I assumed the baby was fine and all we needed to know was if I needed to buy pink or blue. This time being older and wiser (stop laughing Jill) I knew there were more important things to be concerned with. Did my baby have downs, was there a spinal problem, was the brain formed and functioning... I was terrified. Thankfully everything looks great. Baby doesn't like to cooperate though to have measurements taken. Keeps putting hands to the face- go figure it's one of mine...
For those of you who are worried about my negativity you need not worry. I'm really not this pessimistic. I'm just sarcastic by nature and it may be coming across as negative. I do hate Satan's Pants - that's not negative it's pure fact. It can't be helped. I do find most people annoying. Again, just a characteristic I've always had. Get out of my way and we'll be fine. Stop in the middle of the mall and we'll have problems. And no, I don't enjoy being pregnant. I'm not sure what crazy person actually does (and if you say "oh, I did" then you're the crazy one not me). You're sick, fat and ugly - what is there to like. However, if I didn't enjoy the outcome I wouldn't do it. The negativity regarding pregnancy washes away as soon as baby is sleeping through the night - kidding.
Now back to being me - the appointment yesterday was HORRIBLE. The ultrasound was great. The technician was hilarious and I enjoyed laying in a dark room with nothing to do except watch my baby swim for an hour. After the appointment is when it got bad. The last time I had a baby I had him at the same hospital. I had my ultrasound and the doctor came in and said everything looked fine and we left. Since I figured this is what would happen again I asked my husband to stick around with me to make sure. The nurse took us to a room to wait for the doctor and then - SHE MADE ME WEIGH IN!!!!!!!!! What kind of crap was that! My weight is a closely guarded secret. It's never uttered. The Pentagon should look into hiring me I've kept this secret so tight. I screamed at my husband to get out. I tried to have the tiny nurse to physically remove him from the room. She wouldn't - bratness. It took a lot of begging to get me on the scale. She promised she wouldn't let him look and promised not to even tell me (I have no idea what I weigh or how much I've gained and unless it gets out of hand one way or the other I prefer to keep it under wraps). TC was flabbergasted with my behavior. Seriously? I thought I was quite myself. After the weigh in debacle she had the nerve to want to take my blood pressure. After that fiasco I would have assumed it had just shot through the roof. It was actually fine. She however probably slipped the doctor a note letting him know his next patient needed to be admitted - soon.
***By the way - we still don't need to buy any pink *** the caboose is a precious baby boy!***

Sunday, September 14, 2008

How about a pic-a-nic basket?

Lately my husband and I have been trying to come up with creative ideas on how to spend more quality time with our children. I say shop, he says otherwise. TC would like to buy a camper and camp. Now, I'm OK with this (I think). Just because I'm a city girl doesn't mean I can't camp (however, do keep in mind that my idea of roughing it was sitting on a blanket at Stone Mountain Park listening to the rednecks scream Yee-Haw when Robert E. Lee broke his sword during the laser show). I think I could hang.
When my husband was younger his family had a camper and during the summer would take cool trips to places like Boston and Washington D.C. as well as hang out around Satan's Pants and go North for the the weekends (not sure how much farther north we can go without leaving America). This sounds interesting to me. However, my husbands mom and dad were both teachers so they had their summers free to go on these types of trips. My husband works constantly so there would probably be no week in D.C. and then head on up to Maine kind of thing.
Here is his solution. Buy a camper. Not one you drive but one you haul with a big truck. Park it at a camp ground called Yogi Bear and pay $2000 to stay ALL FREAKING SUMMER. I'm actually speechless about this. He's so excited - he's been researching campers, camp grounds, where to store it in the winter and everything else we would need for this great adventure. I'm trying not to burst his bubble - he's already said that this is about our children not about me (whatever), but come on. I'm just not sure how excited I am about spending the summer with some crazies at Yogi Bear park swimming in their pool, playing shuffle board and doing arts and crafts every weekend of the summer.
Now, I've actually never been to this campground. It could very well be super. However, I see toothless families with rusty campers hanging out drinking beer and burping while their kids run around with dirty faces in their diapers. I see a lot of fights between me and hubby about why I won't socialize with our "neighbors" or why I'm not having a super good time sleeping 5 deep in a 400 sq. foot camper. Or why I think the bug zapper looks a bit tacky hanging right by our "bedroom" window.
I'm having a hard time putting my head around this. In order to not spoil his fun I've been nice and not said anything too ugly. I know he's excited about taking the boys to do something that he use to do as a child. I get that. After a year maybe I can convince him to move the cinder blocks and try something different. However, if he for a minute thinks that this is my cup of tea, sitting at a park with a giant Yogi and Boo Boo statue then he doesn't know me very well at all. Plus, how many times to the "residents" really want to hear my joke about a pic-a-nic basket?

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Proper Mall Behavior

This morning the big ones flag football game was called off due to rain. Since he's not that in to anything athletic he was OK with missing out. We decided that instead of sitting around the house we would venture out of Satan's Pants and head south. TC had a test he was scheduled to take so we all went with and he dropped us at the "big" mall. This mall is usually awesome. It has my favorite stores, is clean and typically makes me happy. Today however, this was not the case.
I've haven't been this annoyed at a mall in a long time. First, it was so busy you would have thought it was Christmas at Perimeter mall in Atlanta. Second, the sales lady at Macy's was SO rude she should really be fired. I was going to make a purchase and she just walked away. Now I know I have two probably dirty children and I look a frumpy mess in my tacky maternity clothes, but come on. It was only Macy's for goodness sake! It's not like I was in my Target grubbies trying to buy shoes at Prada. It was MACY's. If I wasn't so tired I would send a tacky letter or email but after not even getting a coupon from Moe's I don't really see the point. Third, learn proper mall behavior. If you have to dig through your purse - step to the side. If you don't know where you're going - again step to the side. If your cruising for chicks or dudes do it some where other than the middle of the mall. If you don't have a stroller or a wheel chair don't take the elevator ESPECIALLY if the escalator is right beside it. There is no reason for 27 people to try and file in a tiny elevator when you could stand on the escalator and take a nice little ride up. I'm not asking you to run up the stairs. Just stand.
I know it's annoying to everyone else for a pregnant girl with a giant backside pushing a double stroller with a 7 year old lagging behind. However, I'm trying really hard to get where I'm going. I'm not going to stop in the middle of the aisle and have a lecture with my children or try and find my cell phone to make a call to their dad. When you have children you are usually on a mission. You need to get in, out and on with it. If you are at the mall to enjoy your day and spend as much time there as possible that is awesome. However, get out of the way. I swear I had a group of giggly girls stop right in front of me, take up the entire aisle and discuss if they wanted to go to Pottery Barn, Abercrombie or get a cookie. Do they really want me to plow them over with the Combi side by side? I think no - so move it or lose it bratness...
Other than that we had a nice day. We drove down and back in the rain, stopped at Trader Joe's (don't even get me started on that crazy place) and just enjoyed our day. We listened to the Georgia game on the radio (GO DAWGS!) which is always my favorite (NOT) and just had a lazy and rainy day. Sometimes that's just what you need.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Pitbulls with lipstick...

I never thought I would use this "rant" of a blog to discuss politics. People tune in to read about how much I hate Satan's Pants, how when I drink I'm a rock star and how happy I am that my children went back to school. However, right now I have some ranting to do regarding politics and I wanted to share with you.
First, I am not here to push my politics on you. You are entitled to your opinion or lack of one. You can choose to vote for whom ever you feel will run this country the best and will be the best president for the people. If you want to know my opinion I will tell you. However, I will not push it on you and don't want yours pushed on me. If your not comfortable talking about politics with me we can discuss how Brenda on 90210 2.0 looked rode hard and put up wet (just sayin...). If you want to tell me your opinion I will listen - I may disagree but I will listen. However, if you come at me with a stupid double standard or an idiot excuse I may get a bit Irish on you.
Regardless of my politics I enjoyed Sarah Palin's speech last night. I enjoyed the fact that she's feisty and seems to have her head on straight. What ticks me off are the people that say - "her voice is whiny", "she needs to concentrate on her family", or "she's a woman". These are the same people who were OK with Hillary's whiny voice, the lack of concentration from her on her family (hello Bill's cheated like 214 times) and again she's also a woman. Dislike Sarah Palin because you disagree with her views. Don't make up lame excuses because your ignorant. I guarantee if Hillary's daughter would have gotten pregnant at 17 it would have been A OK with the double standard people. However, since it's a Republican then she can't do her job well because she's failed at being a mother. Pish posh! You can raise your children to make good decisions and they may still go out and do something you don't agree with. Sarah Palin is standing by her daughter like a good mother should and that in turn will turn her daughter into a fine young woman/mother as well. Sometimes we're dealt hands we don't understand at the moment but end up being the biggest blessings. I'm pleased at how Sarah Palin is handing this. I would expect the same from Hillary if the shoe was on the other foot and I would hope that Republicans would back her up as well.
This idiot I was talking to the other day was obviously a Barack fan (that is not the reason he's an idiot). Anyway, he decided to tell me that he doesn't like Palin because she's a woman and women get PMS and you can't trust a woman running the country with PMS. GO TAKE A FLYING LEAP JACK ASS!!! That had to be the most obnoxious remark anyone has ever made. I've had PMS. It sucks. I've had cramps, been moody, cried like a baby and acted like a total bitch. However, never has it occurred to me to bomb Iran just because Aunt Flo's on her way. Whatever. So stupid...
I think the fact that Sarah Palin is a mom, a governor and an all around sharp lady makes her qualified for the job she is running for. If you don't think she's qualified then don't vote for her. Base your opinion on her politics not because she's a woman, mom, prone to getting her period, and has a pregnant teenage daughter.
That's it. Next time we'll talk about something festive like fact that you shouldn't be a mean mom and dress your child in beige socks with black tennis shoes. Just sayin...

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Do ya'll remember that commercial where the dad is floating on his buggy through the Office Depot/Max picking up school supplies while his kids are sulking behind him and their playing "the most wonderful time of the year" Christmas carol? That's an awesome commercial! I wish they still had it playing on TV. However, instead of the dad it would be me and it would be my children sulking behind me. SCHOOL STARTED TODAY!!!!! HIP HIP HORRAY! I know it's mean of me to be this excited. I do miss my oldest while he's away. However, he gets an early release day every month, has two days off in October, several in November and like a week and a half off in December, so we'll have plenty of time to catch up and bond all before the end of 2008. The only thing that would make it all better is if the little one started school - HE STARTS NEXT FRIDAY!!! Granted he only goes 2 mornings a week, but that's better than nothing. That means every Wednesday until the caboose comes I will be able to run all my errands in record time ALL - BY - MYSELF!
Call me selfish if you must. I clearly don't care. This summer was the summer from HELL. I was sick as a dog and really needed the kids to be in school so I could be miserable by myself. Instead, I had them home bored. I'm sorry I totally lost mom of the year this summer, but maybe I can win it back now that they're in school. Here's hoping my names still on the ballot.
Last year at this time I was a little choked up about the first day of school. I worried about him, cried the night before and cried when he got on the bus. This year I'm equally as worried, sad to see him go but not a tear was shed. Not a single one. If I wasn't pregnant I would have celebrated with some margarita's. Check back next year - after a summer with three kids I may need to just upgrade to shots of tequila.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Things that make you go hmmmm.

Today we took the kids in the 90 degree heat to Satan's Pants little amusement park. This amusement park is another positive attribute to Satan's Pants. It's fun for kids and is dirt cheap. Each ticket is a quarter and no ride is more than two tickets. So, you can go with a family of four and five dollars and have a really great day. Also, if you don't use all your tickets they don't expire. So, we can save them until next summer (assuming I remember where I put them) and use them again. Great idea..
Since I am pregnant I couldn't ride the rides. So, while the kids and their dad stood in lines and rode the rides I people watched. Now I know it takes all kinds to make the world go round, but I do have a couple of things to say -
1. The amusement park is for kids. It's actually for small kids and their families. Once you're in high school you should probably stop coming unless you have small siblings. However, if you do decide to come there is really no need to wear halter tops and lucite heels. No one needs to wear hooker heels - period. I know you're probably hoping to pick up guys while you're riding the scrambler but come on! Next time leave the heels at home or pass up the park and head to the strip club down town. I think it's amature night.
2. I am proud of those who are choosing to quit the nasty habit of smoking. Applause to you. However, I am totally grossed out when you wear a tank top and your patch. Barf... Next time wear a shirt with sleeves. There is nothing more repulsive than a grown man in a tank top, jean shorts and a nasty patch on his arm. No one wants to see that.
3. If you must color your hair you need to choose a real color - blonde, brown, even a natural red. Maroon is not a natural hair color. Also, mother/daughter maroon hair is tacky. Along the same lines if you must get a perm DO NOT BRUSH IS OUT TO MAKE IT FRIZZY! There is absolutely no reason to look like a human fur ball.
4. If you are 10 or younger and weigh maybe 65 lbs. I can tell your big boobs aren't real. Do not stuff your bra. There is no reason for it. Little girls are suppose to be flat chested. Enjoy it while you can. One day they'll be bigger and may hang down to your waist.
There were more but I don't want to seem like a snob. I'm not trying to pick on these people but I just can't help myself. I'm really just trying to help. I know I'm not necessarily a "do" picture of perfection either. However, you won't find me in lucite heels or a brushed out perm. Just think before you go out in public. If not, you could face the ridicule of someone like me - best of luck to you then.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Beep Beep, Beep Beep, Yeah...

One of my avid readers, who shall remain nameless, asked me to please try and find something positive to blog about. She is tired of the negativity that is Peaches and Cheese. She believes there has to be something positive going on in Satan's Pants (whatever). So, I've been on hiatus trying to find something positive. However, I'm drawing a blank. Go figure.
One thing "positive" I can say about Satan's Pants is there is no traffic. I can leave my house at 7:44 and still make it to work by 8 a.m. That I do enjoy. The only time there is a back up is if there is an accident or if the roads are frozen over (so stupid). I've become accustomed to not having to stop for traffic and making it home by 5:15. I will also add that I am NOT a fast driver. I drive just over the speed limit to avoid an accident or a ticket. Also, 9 times out of 10 I am driving around with precious cargo so I don't want to go to fast. There is no place in Satan's Pants that I need to get to super fast so I don't drive super fast. However, that does not mean that I enjoy putting down the interstate at 50 mph! Yesterday, as I got on the interstate and accelerated to go (since I have no air in the van right now I do not enjoy sitting in the car) I got behind "crafty1" with a bee-hive hairdo. She would not speed up! It was totally ridiculous. I yelled, I honked and I yelled some more and she continued to putt down the street talking on the phone to one of her bridge playing friends or her mall walking buddies. MOVE MEEMAW! I did not have the time or patience for such garbage. I am pregnant and mean and even a little old lady with terrible hair can tick me off. So move on with your bad self...
On a happy and positive note (here you go nameless one) today is my son's 7th Birthday! I can't believe it! SEVEN!!!! Where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday I was pregnant with him and somehow I've found time to move 1000 miles away and add a couple more kids to the brood. He is super smart, super precious and super fun. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY OBI WAN!!!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Can I get a goop goop...

My husband was out of town again last night. (I figure he really is working or he has a new girl friend on the other side of the state. Either way he wasn't home). This morning as I was getting ready I saw that my hair goop was missing. I could not figure out where it was. The only explanation I could come up with was that either the paranormals had gotten to it or TC had taken it with him. I had to go with the paranormals.
I was wrong - it was my husband. My husband has had the same exact white boy hair cut since the minute I met him. The only difference is that it's now more gray so it's gotten a bit shorter. I can't imagine that it's more than 3/4 of an inch on top right now. Why in the world does he need my hair goop? I'm so perplexed. He asked last week if he could use some. I said sure for kicks and giggles. All it did was make his hair look greasy. Not the best look. I'm not sure what's more curious - the fact that he stole my hair goop or that he thinks the greasy look is a good look for him. Here's a tip - it's not! And, if you don't leave my stuff alone I will totally "lend" your smelly cologne to the garbage can.
I'm not mad at him - not exactly. I'm annoyed that he's not home as much right now, that he doesn't have a backbone when it comes to his family (there I said it - happy now) and steals my hair goop. I think he must be having a midlife crisis at 36. I know he gets stressed out being the primary bread winner with a wife and 2.5 kids. However, no man needs to take their high and tight hair and try and make it look "cool". It just looks foolish. Yes I told him this (do you not know me at all?) but I think he enjoys being ridiculous from time to time. However, if he goes and gets a barb wire tattoo he's totally crossed the line.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Vim, vigor and a bad attitude...

Last week I was talking with a guy who works in my office. Nice guy - kind of quiet but I'm slowly getting him out of his shell. When there's a southern white girl at the front desk saying "tru dat" it's hard not to smile. So, we're talking about college - yeah college - and he asked me the essentials: who, what, when, where, why. When I told him I was in school for like 12 years because beer on Butch night with my sorority sisters was way more fun than class he was a little taken back. He could not believe that I was a sorority girl! What! Now I know that I have a bad attitude toward all things regulated. I don't like to be told what to do - wear this, pay this, sing this... However, I have several really great friends that came out of being in a sorority that I wouldn't change it for the world. I learned a lot from them and they learned never to tell me to wear clothes that don't match because this "sister" doesn't do that...
After I told the nice guy that I was in a sorority I reminded him that as an elite member of this community I'm also in Satan's Pants answer to the Junior League. Again - total disbelief. On this note I might have to agree with him. I've done this for 3 year and starting my 4th year next month. I have met a few really nice ladies that I hope to keep as friends as long as I'm stuck here, but I'm not sure it's really the right fit for me. Again, I don't enjoy being told what to do: be here, pay for this, work this (for free). It's amazing that there are some women who thrive on this. There are fussy snotty women who get their panties in a wad because I don't have all the time in the world to dedicate to the in's and out's of the league. I'm sorry - I have 2.5 children, a part time job, other volunteer positions AND lots and lots of TV to watch this fall (90210 2.0 starts 9.02 - can you handle it). I'm so tired of the crap. Give me a song to sing and a social to go to and I'm your girl. Work 20 plus hours for free - suck an egg.
I know I have a bad attitude. I enjoy putting myself out there to meet new people and do new things. Some things work and some things don't. I've made a commitment and I intend to stick to it. However, since I'm already at my whits end for this year (the year ends in June) you might want to stay out of my way. There are other things in life - so get a grip, a new hair cut and lose the attitude with me. In case you don't know it already when it comes to attitudes - mine is always worse...

Friday, August 15, 2008

Birthdays and the Olympics...

I love the Olympics. I think that it's an awesome tradition to have young people more or less strut their stuff for the world to see. I think that everyone who makes it to the Olympics is so super talented. It's amazing that these kids put in so much time and effort to win a medal. Not cash - but a medal. That's love of sport. However, I have a few issues. When I was in middle school, high school and college I was a twirler (feature twirler if I want to toot my own horn - toot toot). You know, batons, fire, knives etc. I was pretty good if I do say so myself. I went to local competitions and to nationals (everyone was invited so don't get to excited - however, I won 2nd in my division for my solo routine - holla). Twirling takes a lot of talent, grace and practice yet it's not an Olympic sport. Not a problem really - if the Olympics doesn't recognize it as totally awesome then fine. I can live with that. However, why in the world would badminton, trampoline and rhythmic gymnastics be allowed? TRAMPOLINE! Seriously. I don't think I've every met anyone who's parents are homeschooling their children so they can become professional trampoline jumpers. Also, how do you keep a straight face when you tell people that you or your child is a trampoline jumper? I'd be almost embarrassed. However, since my oldest isn't the most athletic of children, maybe trampoline or badminton is the answer. If they have fighting with light sabers as an Olympic sport then we may have found his niche.
Tomorrow we're having a birthday party for said less athletic child. He's turning 7 at the end of the month, but since that's Labor Day weekend we're having the party early. We're having the party at a Bowling Alley and originally we were going to have 10 children maximum. However, me being me I felt bad for leaving 4 boys that were in his kindergarten class out so I invited all the boys. My son was fine with inviting whom ever, but really didn't care. They weren't his favorite friends, but he didn't hate them so I assumed it would be OK. None of the 4 boys/boys mothers felt the need to RSVP which drives me crazy! How do I give a final head count if you won't bother to RSVP! So, today I had to call them to confirm. Most were apologetic - I got busy, we've been out of town etc. HOWEVER, one was so rude. She said "I asked (short little bratty child) if he wanted to go and he said no". Who says that!?! I found that so hurtful. As a good southern girl I said thanks for the information but what I wanted to say was "that's OK, because my son really didn't want to invite your bratty son but I made him. I guess this works out for both of us". Again, SATAN'S PANTS is full of rude people. Apparently no one ever told them that if they don't have anything nice to say to not say anything at all. So stupid...

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Just saying...

Nothing interesting is happening in my life right now. I'm pregnant, I'm fat and I'm cranky. Other than that, it's just another day in the wonderful world of Satan's Pants. I've had a very busy couple of weeks and I'm looking forward to a couple weeks of nothing before the boys go back to school. It's time for me to catch up on my naps.
There is one thing I want to mention - has anyone noticed Katie Cruise's (you know Tom's wife) tight rolled jeans? Seriously - someone please call her and tell her that's ridiculous. That is a trend that NEVER needs to be repeated. Also, she could use a little lipstick. Just saying...

Friday, August 8, 2008

Things that go bump in the night.

My husband was out of town last night - again (whatever). Last weekend when he was gone I was fine. I slept great - in bed early and up late just the way I like it. Last night however was quite different. After dinner the boys and I went outside to see if any of the neighbors were out and say hello (see I'm a fairly nice person). My next door neighbor was out - and freaked out. She was also home alone and thought that there was a critter in her basement. Instead of going downstairs to look, she was going to go to the back yard to look through the windows. I thought she was a bit whacked out, but who am I to judge. Luckily there was nothing in her basement.
After playing for a bit we came in so I could eat my dinner and watch some trash on TV. Since it is summer there isn't a lot on right now. Luckily I'll watch almost anything so I became totally enthralled with a show on Discovery called Diagnosis Unknown. I tuned in half way through an episode where the wife poisoned the husband with some type of seed that gives a person ricin poisoning. Pretty scary stuff. The second episode was about another wife poising her husband by putting something in his sweet tea. Since I knew where this episode was heading I went to bed.
After turning off the lights and attempting to go to sleep I thought I heard something in my room. I turned on the light and it was my dog. Tried to go back to sleep. Several minutes later the dog growled in the dark. Turned on the light again - apparently he was growling at his pillow. Then I woke up again because I thought I heard something in the den. When I sat up I thought I saw the door swinging back and forth very slowly. Now, I also watch Paranormal state and I did not want to have to call Ryan and the team to come and investigate so I quickly turned on the light and realized it was the stupid dog again thinking now would be a good time to try and lay on the couch (which is totally against the rules and he knew he was busted). I tried once again to go to sleep and thought that there was a strange light coming from outside. Turns out it was the neighbors. Since it was barely past 10 they still had their porch lights on. I then said to heck with it. If the poltergeist needs to get me then so be it.
Needless to say today I am sleepy. I'm looking forward to going home, eating dinner (the jury's still out on if we'll go to Moe's or not), and watching re-runs of Ghost Whisperer (told you - trash TV). Then I'm going to go to bed with garlic under my pillow and holy water beside the bed so I'm sure to be safe.

Monday, August 4, 2008


I am totally being punished for something mean that I've done in the past. Maybe it's because I dislike most people - you know the ones that won't get out of the way, the slow minded people in the check out line, the rude people that think they own the freaking world. Or maybe it's because I talk hateful about living in Satan's Pants and regardless of how much I hate it apparently the other 200,000 or so people seem to like it. Regardless, if I have to feel barfy and exhausted one more day the next slow poke in front of me at the grocery store (you know the one's that apparently have NEVER been to a grocery store before) will have to listen to my high pitched, whiny screech of a voice (this is according to my equally sweet sister - I believe I have a great voice with an awesome hint of southern hospitality).
I am a generally good person. I do charity work, I volunteer all the time, I'm nice to my family and even to my husbands family. I feed and clothe my children and even fix meals from time to time. Today at the grocery store an older lady asked me to drive her rascal back into the store for her. SERIOUSLY! Luckily I couldn't figure out how to drive it. I would have been mortified for anyone I remotely know to see me drive into the store. I nicely told her I couldn't start it and I would go into the store and send someone out to get it. She said "thanks dear"... Also, even though I'm pregnant I don't take the "Reserved for Expected Mothers" spot yet. I've left them for the lucky brats that only have a couple more weeks to go.
I realize that I have a bit of an attitude problem and I'm pretty quick to let everyone know what I think, but do I really need to be punished with being barfy 4-EVA? I don't think so. If anyone has a suggestion to end nausea I will gladly take it and try it. I'm 15 weeks - I should be nesting not laid up on the couch in my blue terry cloth bathrobe.
By the way, I totally saw someone the other day in one of the hideous shirts that had the arrow pointing to her huge belly that said something witty like daddy's boy or something equally as poetic. So stupid (yes, damnit I realize this may be why I have no friends and feel like crap. Get out of my grill will ya).

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Georgia on my mind..

I'm back in Satan's Pants after spending a week in Atlanta (aka home). It's always so nice to be home (even if it is 102 degrees in the shade), and I'm very sad to have to be back in the land of corn and poo.
While I was home we had pictures of the boys taken, ate, swam, ate, visited with friends and family (my nephew is precious and his selfish mother won't give him to me), ate and ate some more. I would feel bad about all the eating but I totally don't and I'll tell you why. In Satan's pants you can't find BBQ, decent peaches and watermelon (peaches from California that are shipped to the midwest are not peaches, they're devil fruit and I've told the grocer this and anyone buying them - true story), and my grandmother isn't here to make me chicken and dressing. I can't go to my favorite restaurants here (The Steamhouse Lounge - free advertisement just for you), and the food isn't made with love like my moms spaghetti and chocolate cake (and cupcakes but whatever - I'm eating for 7 here do don't judge).
When you live somewhere you don't realize how much you will miss the simple things like BBQ and Chick Fil-A that you don't even realize you like that much. When you move and can't get such deliciousness you miss it and therefore have to eat like a piggy when you go home. I'm sure if we ever move away from Satan's Pants I will miss - cheese...
Hopefully I'll have more fun and excitement to tell ya'll about soon. It was a pretty uneventful vacation which is the way it should be. I'm fat, pregnant and boring and totally OK with that. I'm tired right now so I'll have to think about some funny banter to grace you with later. Until then good bye and good luck...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Heart and Hand...

The appointment went fine - eventually. I had a stinking suspicion that they weren't going to be able to find a heartbeat with the Doppler and I was right. I was nervous when I got there which made my blood pressure go up and I was super on edge. I snapped at the midwife that I had no desire to discuss my weight and pretty much filled her in on how much I dislike living in Satan's Pants. Great first impression (my other midwife was busy - whatever). Luckily being a midwife has taught her not only how to deliver babies, but how to deal with bratty moms.
After searching for the heartbeat for what felt like hours (possibly 5 minutes but it felt like an eternity), they decided that in order to make sure everything was OK I should really have an ultrasound. After getting gooed up again I was able to see the caboose floating and swimming around having a good good time. Baby was less than cooperative (imagine that) and didn't want to be still long enough to get a listen. We've now proven that baby is indeed related to his brothers. Finally baby settled down, we were able to take some pictures of baby hanging out with his hands by his head waving hello, and get a good read on the strong, loud, fast heartbeat of baby caboose.
I'm still not feeling the best. I'm tired most of the time but not super exhausted. I feel OK when I get up but slowly lose steam throughout the day. These things I can live with. However, by the afternoon my stomach hurts, my head hurts and I feel like I might throw up. Not to mention I become super moody, bitchy and down right mean. Not to the boys but more to my husband. I had some choice words for him the other day that he may or may not have deserved ( I can't remember and truly don't care). I'm really tired of feeling this way and would really like to feel more "normal" and get on with my life. We won't even discuss my face. I'll just say that I may need to call Jessica Simpson and order some of her Proactive.
Other than this not much else to report. It's a hot, humid lazy weekend. I need to clean - and I may or may not get to it. I need to do laundry for my trip home and I will probably take a nap. Super fun and exciting I know - jealous?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

When It Rains it Hails...

This week has actually not been too bad- as far as feeling bad goes. I'm not as nauseated, but I'm just as exhausted. I really need to get my energy up for my big va-cay to HOTlanta next week. I'm super excited to be heading south!! We have a lot planned in my short stay so I need to feel better. Can I get a whoo whoo!
Aside from feeling better everything else has gone wrong. First, the family vanster is in on the plan to ruin my life. Last week I replaced 4 tires. It needed to be done but wasn't until I was stuck on the side of the road with a flat. Nice. Now, the big blue bomb is in the shop getting it's air fixed and brakes fixed. So stupid. Not only is the van sick, my washing machine bit the dust last week as well. Sears brought me a brand new Maytag. So nice of them. I was OK not washing clothes but apparently my husband would like some clean underwear every now and again. Such a diva.
Since we're adding a third child to the family we're also in the market for some bunk beds for the boys. We all went to look Sunday so they could feel like they had a say in the purchase (they totally don't). We found a cute set with a full bed on the bottom and a twin on the top. When we have some cash we'll fix up the room and move the boys in together. This sounds easy enough right? Wrong! The little one has been angry at me for days because the bunk beds aren't here yet. Every hour on the hour I have to explain that money doesn't grow on trees and if he wants to replace the air in my van I'll be more than happy to buy him the damn bunk beds! OK, I'm not quite that mean (close though - I'm hormonal) but you get the point.
I'm off to the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully everything is good and baby is growing and healthy. I'll fill everyone in tomorrow. Peace out!
UPDATE: Just got a call from the diva himself. Looks like the air is $1100 to fix. Does anyone have a fan that hooks to the visor 'cause it looks like it's going to be a hot one here in Satan's Pants this summer. So stupid...

Friday, July 11, 2008


Maternity clothes are made for pregnant women by people who work for the devil. This, I believe is a fact. My "real" clothes are no longer working. I don't think that I should have be be nauseated, exhausted and wearing tight clothes. However, since I haven't told that many people about the caboose I really don't need a shirt that says "Baby on Board" or "It's not Easy being Queasy" (and yes, these tacky shirts do exist). So I went to the mommy maternity store in the mall yesterday afternoon. Everything was UGLY! First, I hate the shirts that tie in the back. If you want to scream "I'm pregnant" then buy those. If not then no thanks. Second, the t-shirts are small. Now, I know that the style right now in maternity is for the shirt to be tight on the belly so everyone can see how your innie bellybutton has become an outie. However, when you're not the worlds tiniest person and it's tight in the belly it also becomes tight on your rear end. You may as well iron on some letters that say "wide load coming through" - and believe me there is room. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I have to look ugly. Third, as I was checking out the shirts they had one in particular that caught my eye hanging above the checkout. It had a tie in the back, was tight in the front, and was PEACH! Yes, the same peach I wore in 7th grade with bunchy socks and a scrunchie that matched. I was appalled. I had to get out of that store as fast as I could. Who would wear that? I'll tell you who - tacky women in Satan's Pants that haven't left the year 1987.
The problem here is that there really isn't anywhere else other than the gross store in the mall that sells maternity clothes. I don't want to spend a fortune at the Pea in the Pod because you only wear these clothes for a short time and as I've said before - THIS IS IT! Plus, the maternity clothes I have from my first two are super ugly (why didn't anyone tell me the green gingham dress was awful). I can't do mail order because who knows what really fits. So, I'm in a bit of a pickle (get it pickle).
On the bright side I was able to sit through a cut and color the other day and my hair is fabulous. Too bad I don't have any clothes to match my hair and my vivacious personality...
XOXO - Fat Pregnant Girl...

Thursday, July 3, 2008

My so called life...

Someone on another blog I stalk from time to time had an entry about how busy her life has been lately and gave a week by week calendar of events. I thought this was pretty cute. She was exasperated by all the weddings, showers, parties, beach trips and beer she needed to consume (party on Garth). To make her, and other super fun girls in tiny little dresses feel better, I thought I would give you an example of my morning sickness/pregnancy calendar thus far:
Week of June 9th - Thought I was going to die...
Week of June 16th - Knew I was going to die...
Week of June 23rd - Wanted to go ahead and die...
Week of June 30th - Was gassy - Thought the dog died...
I'm assuming this will go on for the duration of my pregnancy. I don't feel that there is an end in site. Feeling better and not wanting to sleep all day would be super fantastic. However, I've never felt this bad for this long EVER (yes this is when you feel sorry for me and send me fudge).
So, as to not bore you with the rest of the year ( see above) we will skip to 2009:
Some random week in January: Had baby - FINALLY feel better!
Some random week in February: Have three kids! Now what the HELL do I do....

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Here comes the caboose!

I realize it's been forever since I've posted. I was so good at sending something out every couple of days. However, nothing has been going on and I didn't want to bore everyone with another tale of the cheese at Moe's - which by the way I spoke to the manager about and they're trying to fix it. They've had more than one complaint HA!
I've decided to go ahead and tell everyone the truth about why I haven't posted in a while (not that Jill hasn't already but whatever). I've actually been sick sick sick and exhausted for weeks. We're unexpectedly expecting our third baby in January and this time around has been MISERABLE!!! I'm almost 10 weeks so I'm hoping and praying that the feeling of devil is coming to an end. It was gone by the 12th week with the first two. However, with the first two I was under 30 and I'm thinking that being old might have something to do with the misery.
I'm so tired of crackers, pretzels and every other bland edible piece of poo. I can't eat anything greasy or it makes me sick. I can barely keep my eyes open for more than an hour a day. I don't even enjoy my diet cokes for cripes sake. Everything is evil. The only thing I enjoy is my nice soft comfy bed and cold glasses of water.
The other miserable part of this right now is that it's only nice here in Satan's Pants during the summer and early fall. After that is snows and is cold for 6 months. I feel like I'm missing the summer by staying holed up in my bed room day in and day out because I physically can't muster the energy to venture out. I haven't grocery shopped (or shopped at all for that matter) in weeks and I'm sure my boys are tired of grilled cheese and peanut butter and jelly. However, until I feel better I can't worry about that. They are getting fed and clothed so we're doing OK ( I also assume they're brushing their teeth but I could be wrong).
Yes, I am excited about another baby. I love love love babies!!!! I can't wait until January to meet my little caboose (that's what I'm calling him because THIS IS IT). I just despise being pregnant. I am the worst pregnant person in the world. The morning sickness is the devil, the maternity clothes are ugly and I feel nasty for 9 straight months. However, I love being a mommy so I'll just have to deal with it. However, I will never become earth mother and "embrace" my pregnancy. Poo poo on that!
So, just to let ya'll know, if I don't post for another couple of weeks you'll know why. I'm sick and feel like I've been hit by a truck. When (and at this point if) I ever feel better I will post something witty and humorous about the other 457 things that piss me off. Until then peace out and TTFN!

Friday, June 20, 2008

'cause you had a bad day...

I've had a really crappy couple of days. First, I don't feel well. Second, I'm at work and we all know how much fun I think this place is. Numbers three through 50 - well, get ready for a rant fest.
Yesterday I dropped a tube of lipstick on my khaki jacket. Does anyone know how to get out lipstick? The idiots at the dry cleaners can't get out mud so I assume they can't get out lipstick. My hair is gross. It's making me physically sick to look at. The air doesn't work in my van. I know that it's not that hot here in Satan's Pants (ironic really) but I like the feel of artificial air as I drive. Moe's hasn't emailed me back. Yes, we will be going back tonight and if the cheese is damn it then I will be emailing again. I'm not scared. My house is filthy. I 'm tired of people who lie, embellish and copy (I'm not going to say it - you know who you are). Cake icing should only be made with powdered sugar, butter and milk. If it's made with lard it is fat not icing.Also, the crazy girl in the office next door is wearing an awful froggy t-shirt with a three strand turquoise beads. Super tacky, bless her heart.
Eventually I will be in a better mood. I'd say 5 p.m. today will be a good pick me up. Our small town is having a fair and craft show this weekend so that should be cute. However, if my boys think they're riding any of the crazy carni rides their W-R-O-N-G. We don't do rides that are assembled and disassembled once a week. Just sayin. My anniversary is next week and maybe I'll get something pretty. Probably not, but a girl can dream.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Welcome to Moes!!!!

Every Friday the Peaches & Cheese family goes to Moe's. It's dirt cheap and muy yummy. We went last night and ordered the exact same thing we order every Friday - our meals a long with a cup of queso. I was so excited. I look forward to Moe's with my family every week. I talk about it like we're going to see family - our much loved Moe's family. HOWEVER, last night when I dipped my chip into the queso and went to savor my first bite it was different and muy muy gross! They changed their freakin recipe! They added some nastiness and made it gross! I was SO disappointed. Not only that but since the tomatoes are evil in Texas or something they didn't have my favorite salsa. Listen up Moe's -CHANGE IT BACK PRONTO! I know the tomato thing isn't your fault, but the nastiness in the cheese is just ridiculous.
I looked everywhere for a suggestion box. I figure if I go every Friday then my opinion should count for something. The stupid cup of queso is more than the two boys meals combined so if we stop ordering it because it bites ass then they're going to lose a huge profit from the Peaches & Cheese family and I believe that we totally help them keep the lights on in that place. We've at least bought the Chevy Venture outside that is painted yellow and says Moe's for catering. I was even thinking about using Moe's for my next party, baptism, Bat Mitzvah, whatever. However, if they don't change back their cheese then no dice. Got it Moe's! You do not want to see this sweet Southern Girl angry.
I'm off to find their web site. Don't think that I'm not about to let the people at Moe's corporate know my disappointment. They're in the south, they should be sympathetic. I will just continue to email them or write to my congressman or something until it is changed. In this economy I want to enjoy my cheap food and do not need nastiness in my cheese! My name is Peaches and Cheese and I approve this message...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

On Notice - Beauregard

My best friend is a big, beautiful blonde. He also has four legs and sheds like a crazy person. However, I let that slide because he loves me more than food (or as much as since I'm the one that feeds him) and I love him more than I like most people. However, he is getting on my last nerve and if he doesn't step it up he may lose his heel of the bread loaf privilege. See for YEARS he's been hunting and eating socks. He'll eat the big socks but he's constantly on the prowl for the little socks. Since it's been warm there really haven't been any socks (we haven't had to rock the crocs with socks since May), and I think he's going through with drawls. I have no idea why the pup likes to do this. Every time he eats a sock it comes right back up - ALWAYS in my dining room. I've cleaned that carpet so many times that the cleaning supply people should be sending me thank you notes. I'm so tired of scrubbing the floor. I'm tired of finding super fun spots first thing in the morning. I'm sick of buying socks! I mean, I put up with the mess in the yard, the smells and the gallons upon gallons of hair he leaves behind. However, I am beyond sick of the
ca ca in the dining room. At least try and make it to the foyer - two feet away. There is tile there and can be mopped up - then I won't have to get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor while I curse the day we picked you up from the crazy lady in Brazelton. Low and behold last night he trapped and killed an innocent baby sock. Yeah, you need to keep hiding my furry friend because if I catch you with a sock again I'm calling the boys and letting them know it's OK for them to ride you and pull your tail. You don't believe me - hide and watch my friend, hide and watch.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Here's your sign...

I am not a heathen person despite what some of you may believe. I attend church on a regular basis and talk with God often - we're totally tight. Anyway, I've had some things going on that I needed some clarity on and I thought I would consult my handy bedside bible. I said "OK, I'm going to open this and point to something and that will be my answer". When I did this I "selected" a passage about people wanting signs from Jesus and he basically said all Jeff Foxworthy like "Here's your sign". Oh God, such a jokester. I bet you got a hearty chuckle out of yourself with that one. I"m sure my sign will come soon enough and everything will be fine, but I found this funny and wanted to share.
Now, about the girl in the office down the hall. I told you yesterday to NEVER wear that outfit again and you TOTALLY wore it again today! Just because it's a different colored shirt under the same ugly jacket does not make it a different outfit. Go home and start over! (By the way, I have not received a sign to be nicer to people with poor taste - just to those who don't know any better).
XOXO - Southern girl..