Monday, April 28, 2008

Happy Birthday!

Happy 28th Birthday twisted sister! Hope it was AWESOME! I love you and miss you!
Peace Out-

The Weekend Update...

The Gala was a huge success! We were able to raise a lot of money for a lot of needy children in our community. My dress was cute, my arms were still fat pasty and white (Mystic tan is a giant waste of precious minutes you will never get back), and the women were snotty (mostly - if you're reading this and were also at the Gala I'm so not talking about you). I would say it went pretty much as I expected. The only good things to come out of the evening was that I was able to spend some time with some friends, assist in raising money for the kids, and one of the ladies I don't like has put on quite a bit of weight and her dress didn't fit! HA -What could be better than that!
Saturday I did NOTHING! Take that back. I cleaned the kitchen, picked up the house and watched the NFL draft. Yes, I like watching paint dry. It was an opportunity to spend some time with my husband and do nothing at the same time. All I can say is DESEAN is awesome! He is my new favorite player! How can you not love a guy who is on camera for an entire day waiting and waiting to get picked for - any team really - and get passed on over and over again. Bless his heart! He had even dressed up for the occassion, was surrounded by family and was pitiful! He kept looking at his phone -I guess to see if it was on and working. Kind of like - if it aint ringing it's EVERY TEAM IN THE NFL not calling. I was beside myself. FINALLY, he was picked up in the second round by the Eagles. Whew. So you go DeSean - go catch a ball or block someone or make up a catchy dance or something. Keep it real DeSean, keep it real.
Today I had to go to work which stunk AND to make it worse (much much worse) it was SNOWING when I got up this morning. Giant, fat, useless, ridiculous flakes of devil! So stupid.
They promise it will warm up here by August. I'm not putting money on it though.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Dear Anonomous...

Dear Anonomous,
Please tell Hank that I think he and his papa are super cool as well. We miss them both very much and hope to see them soon.
Hank's favorite Aunt

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Update #2

OK, it's been 24 plus hours since the mystic tan. All I can say is thank goodness for Trader Joes body scrub! I've scrubbed my toes, thumbs, wrists and inside arms until I was no longer "bronze" but bright red. Aside from that the "tan" is OK. I'm not sure it's $30 worth of awesome, but it will get the job done. The only thing worse than being in a sleeveless dress with fat pasty white arms, is being in a sleeveless dress with fat streaky orange arms. I think I'm somewhere in between.
I will add though that after washing my face several times yesterday and this morning, when I used my astringent this morning there was tanner on my cotton ball. Super gross! And, yesterday when I went to the gym my clothes and "under garmets" were a beautiful shade of nasty. So stupid..

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Update #1

OK, so far the only problem area are my wrists - which is amazing because if you go on you tube and watch the video your wrists shouldn't even get sprayed, and my thumbs. My poor little hammer head thumbs are orange! My toes don't look so hot either but since we've established that this part of the world is stupid and cold in April, I won't be able to wear open toe shoes anyway. The "mystic" hasn't taken full effect yet - I'll let you know tomorrow how it looked after the full 24 hours. So stupid...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Mystic Tan adventure

So, I had an adventure today that I needed to tell ya'll about. Tonight I had my first experience with Mystic Tan! Yes, E! was there filming their newest edition of Mystic Tan Satan's Pants. Anyway, I watched the tutorial and figured how hard could it be. You stand in a booth for 30 seconds, the machine sprays you with a thin mist and *poof* your done. Not exactly how it happened-for me anyway.
At first it was pretty much like the video. Strip, cover your hair with a waffle house hair net, put cream on the parts you don't want "mystified" and get ready. Then you step into a giant up right coffin, you stand in the most crazy ridiculous position and push the big green button... THEN it spays you with a "thin mist" that scares the crap out of you. The nice cute teenage boy that showed me how to work the mystic magic, said that I should hold my breath, and then when it was time for me to turn around and have the machine spray the back I should catch my breath and hold it again. Whatever! I've inhaled enough of the spray that I've probably damaged my lungs and it would have been just as healthy for me to tan in the crazy bed. Not to mention what my eyes are going to look like from trying to keep them closed as tight as I possibly could.
Now I have to wait 24 hours to see if I'm a streaky mess. Not to mention that the good 'ol mystic tan is a crazy $30 for 30 seconds of ridiculous. Also, I can't bathe tonight. I have to sit here the rest of the night sticky and smelly from the mystic potion. I'll let you know in 24 hours how it's all worked out. Wish me luck.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Monday's make me growl...

I hate Monday's. I mean, you just had a lovely weekend and now you're back to Monday. They're just so gross and so stupid. Something always goes wrong. Today it's the case of the missing tennis shoe. We found one, now where could the other one be? I had to send the oldest off to school in his crocks with socks. That is NOT acceptable! To make matters worse when he got dressed his pants were shorter than the last time he wore them and since I have done ZERO laundry this weekend he had to wear them with his awesome T-Shirt that said GEORGIA. He looks ridiculous! I'm almost embarrassed for him. Lucky for him he's a good looking kid so he'll make it (we're taking the tennis shoes to him when I find them - I just can't handle it).
This weekend was pretty uneventful which was nice for a change. We went to Moe's (we go every Friday - we're super boring). Saturday we ran errands and cleaned (for what reason you might ask since you're house looks like a tornado hit it this morning), yesterday we went to Church and played outside the rest of the day. Nothing exciting, but uneventful and occassionally those are the weekends you need. This week I have to finish a database for a service organization I belong to (I'll post about that later - I need to bite my lip about that right now or I may go postal), have lunch with the ladies from work for "Administrative Professional's Day", and go to a FREAKING Gala on Friday. BARF! No good can come of me having to dress up in heels to go and eat a too expensive dinner, have to buy my own alcohol, and try and bid obnoxious amounts on items I don't need (and won't get because the people with the money always out bid me - I don't understand why $35 doesn't buy me the trip to Ireland). This is my second year on this evil GALA committee and I hate it more and more. I'm not sure why I torture myself. My husband just flat out isn't going. Nice right? Whatever...
On a positive note there is some GREAT TV on this week! Grey's is back, American Idol kicked off Kristi Lee Hooker, and there's always OTH (which better be good or it's getting put on notice with the Hills), the Office, and Jon and Kate plus 8 (you need to watch - you might get a better understanding of me - minus 6 children and a need for obnoxious organization - but the bratty part stays) and Ghost Wisperer! TAKE THAT TV GUIDE!
Sad... Very. Very. Sad.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Just sayin...

Worst. One Tree Hill. EVER! I can't believe that is what I get after waiting months for the show to come back. Very dissapointing. Hopefully Grey's will be better when it comes back. It's on thin ice with me as it is - totally crappy this year. At least the Office was good - HYSTERICAL - "Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year". I'm still laughing. Whatever - there's alway's Jon and Kate plus 8 and Greek (yes I will watch ANYTHING)!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Bad Mom?

Ok, so I'm not the worlds best mother. I'll admit it. I often let the kids watch too much T.V., play video games and fight with knives. Well, maybe not too much T.V. I feel like I do the best I can with the little bit of patience I've been granted. I do try though. I bought some seeds for the boys to plant to grow me some yummy basil for summer that are still on the kitchen counter. I have art projects in the dining room that they could do. Also, if it would freakin warm up I would be more than happy to put my butt in a chair and watch them play outside. However, I still feel like a less than stellar mother - go figure.
I've been reading the blog of a friend of mine. She's a bit worried that she's been neglecting her children a bit with everything else she has going on. On the days where she's not being a "bad" mother she's driving around looking for flightless fruit flies to feed the baby bugs that have hatched in their habitat her girls built. Whatever earth mother. Come live at my house for a couple of days to make yourself feel better. I'll just keep reading your blog when I want to feel worse (p.s. if you're reading this I think your awesome and am totally jealous).
I love my boys. They are the light of my life and the reason for my being. They are smart, funny and talented little boys (except for the fact that the oldest can't blow up a balloon, but we're working on that). I would do anything for them that I could to make them happy and healthy. Today I spent an hour on the computer trying to be the first in "line" for some super cool summer school class that the oldest wants to take. Now that is what an awesome mom is all about right? Find a class you can send them too in the summer so they're not in your hair (I signed him up for 4 - he's a lot of work that 6 year old). I even blew up a balloon today so my youngest could hit it around the house. I know, I know I rock.
I'm hoping my lack of creativity and patience doesn't end up doing tons of harm to my sweet little boys. I hope I don't have to carry them to therapy because their mom didn't buy their pet bug fruit flies. I hope they grow up to be strong, independent children aside from the fact that their mommy is beyond pathetic.
Tomorrow we will try and tackle the basil - I'm totally hungry for a cucumber and basil salad now :)

Friday, April 11, 2008

Shout Out..

Just wanted to do a shout out to my reader (singular) - What up Jill in the ATL.. Keep on keepin on!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Farewell Michael Johns

I'll admit it, I watch just about anything on TV. Trashy reality is a must at my house and my DVR runs non stop. I'll watch The Hills, Real Houswives of anything, Rock of Love just to name a few. I love TV! American Idol was one of our favorites here too. Two years ago I voted non stop for Chris Daughtry just to have him voted off early. So stupid. I decided to boycott the show then and there. I didn't watch a minute last year. However, I decided to give it another try this year because I heard about how awesome everyone on the show was. What a surprise for me to find out that I knew one of the contestants - Michael John's! Well not knew like BFF, but knew like - hey I saw you in Atlanta playing at a bar and you ROCKED! So how bummed am I tonight that he's been voted off! I think it's cheating! I think it's crap! Did I think he was going to win - no, not really (David Cook is crazy good). Do I think he's better than the country girl with the 1992 perm who stands like a hooker - yes. Do I think he's better than the looney as a tune little boy with the crazy father - YES! Do I think he rocks the pants off the crazy irish girl who dresses like wonderwoman on crack- Yes. I'm so super upset right now. I think he's great. So what if his demographic seems to be lonely housewives in their 30's - we're still hip and cool in a minivan with a spoiler kind of way. We still know a good thing when we see one. We can still party like rock stars until 10 p.m (do I hear a whoo whoo).
So, here's to you Michael John's - you adorable aussie - just know that I voted for you until my fingers fell off, I told everyone I know here in this pit that I knew you and they should vote for you (OK, so I embelished a bit) and I wouldn't dare kick your cute butt out of bed for eating crackers (now I've crossed the line a bit). Farewell from your number 1 (apparently insane) over 30 housewife fan. XXXOOO! Keep rockin!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Let the Ranting Begin..

As I mentioned before this week did not get off to the best start. It hasn't gotten a lot better either. It went from 61 degrees to snowing in two days, I have a tooth ache (and am deathly afraid of the dentist), I look like Jared from Subway's before picture, and people here don't drive any better than they do it big cities and it ticks me off.
I'm trying to eat healthy (again). I try this over and over again. I do well for a week or so and then apparently say to hell with it. I don't know how to stay motivated and stick with it. I don't know how to say no to chocolate and yes to carrots (so stupid). I don't know why the size of my pants doesn't make me throw up. I feel confident I will have this conversation with myself again and again through the life of this blog. It just ticks me off!
Today I was driving home and almost got into two accidents. The first one I didn't see the driver in my blind spot. In my defense he had passed me several times. He was one of those drivers who would speed up and slow down so you never knew where he was. Totally not my fault. The second was because of a big truck - probably hauling milk or corn or something else Midwestern - going super slow and not letting people over. The van behind me almost hit me because we couldn't merge. Stupid corn truck. Stupid state and all their cows!
I live in Satans pants USA! I need 70 degree weather, a body that looks good in a bikini (or any bathing suit for that matter) and apparently a better attitude. How do I achieve that though - it's probably going to snow here again this weekend. It just makes me growl.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Rainy days and Mondays...

It's already starting off to be a bad week. After a beautiful weekend filled with running around OUTSIDE - clever idea really - the weather is turning cold again. It's April for crying out loud - it should be nice out! I'm so tired of winter coats and if I have to drag out the snow pants and snow boots again I may go postal! I've put them away so if it snows again, I guess the boys are just going to freeze. Right now there's no snow, but it's windy and cloudy and will probably start raining any minute. Fantastic...
I was so tired this morning that I over slept and had very little time to get my kindergartener out the door for the bus. I hope he brushed his teeth! I sometimes feel like such a bad mom. I did manage to make him a lunch so he won't have to eat bbq beefies on a bun. Now I'm from the south and BBQ is my favorite, but what elementary school child wants that on a tray for lunch? What's on the menu for tomorrow - pork chops and spinach? His awesome mom made him a pb and j and some applesauce. Much better when you're six.
This morning I went outside (in the cold) to get the trash can and wheel it back into the garage. However, it was full. I looked around and everyone elses had been emptied. So, I went and called the "village" to find out why it wasn't picked up. "We did receive a call re: your can this morning. It seems that your recycling was less than 5 feet away from the can and the automatic lifter couldn't get it". ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Get out of the stupid truck! Honk the horn, do whatever you have to do so I don't have to smell the trash for another week! "I'm sorry, but we can't come back out and get the trash until next week - Thank you" CLICK! Another reason to hate this place. When we moved her we had the option to pick whom ever we wanted to pick up our trash. Now the "village" has decided to tax us more and decide for us who picks up the trash - or doesn't. Stupid. Government. Crap.
Thought for the week - It's Only just begun....

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Shake Your Groove Thing...

So, I'm not as young as I use to be. I'm also not as tan or thin and my tolerance for alcohol is nil. However, some friends and I went out last night to celebrate my belated birthday. We had a blast! Now, some of you may have found me and my girl friend stupid. I don't care. It had been so long since I went out, had more than 2 cocktails, sang very loud to the music and danced like no one was watching (which they were by the way and probably still laughing about the moms at the end of the bar who knew all the "old" music and danced like footloose). We spent way too much money, had a super good time, and were awaken by children bright and early looking for red power rangers. Oh the life.
It's quiet here right now. My husband took the boys to run errands and I'm going to go out to lunch with another friend to celebrate my birthday one last time. I hope I don't look too hung over. I feel like crap, I look like a cow, but I had a lot of fun. Birthdays are great - the only thing that would make them better is if I didn't have to age.

Friday, April 4, 2008


I don't know exactly how to start this blog thing so I'll just jump right in and give you some information you'll need for your experience here. First, I hate where I live. You'll need to keep this in mind for future reading as it is sure to come up time and time again. I have a lovely life - house in the suburbs (not that I live near a real city, but just trying to make it easy for you) beautiful children, awesome dog and a cool husband that takes care of me and pretty much let's me do what I want (hence the chicken decor in the kitchen). Second, I have two awesome little boys that drive me to drink but also are so dang adorable and smart that I would do anything in the world for them. Third, my family is awesome. They all live in the South - lucky clams - but I try to see them every chance I get. I miss them terribly. Fourth, I love my friends. However, they're all in the south too. Not that I'm not interested in making new friends. It's just a lot harder here in HELL. Other than that I'm pretty ordinary - and a lot of fun if I do say so myself. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the blog, tolerate the ranting, and keep your mouth shut when you don't like what I have to say (which should be pretty often). TTFN.