Sunday, May 17, 2009

Read the book...

Before I went to see pretty pretty Keith Urban yesterday the kids ran in a fun run (not sure why fun and run are in the same sentence but whatever) and then we went to breakfast with some friends. It's nice to get out once in a while and visit with people. The kids played, we drank coffee and talked. The wife has become a good friend of mine and I enjoy her company. However, sometimes I become exasperated with the things that come out of her mouth (which is a common feeling when hanging out with the ladies in this town - apparently they all seem to have diarrhea of the mouth).
We were having yet another conversation about the west side of this crapass town being better than the east side. This conversation seems to come up at least a dozen times a year while hanging out with different people that grew up here. Here's a tip - both sides are truly the epitome of horrible so move on. Anyway, as we're having this convo yet again I mentioned that a couple years ago we had to discuss this at length when we ran into TC's high school sweetheart at TJMaxx. My friend said "Oh, Pollyanna - she's so sweet". OK - hold the phone sweetheart. In the girlfriend handbook it clearly states that even if the ex is a doctor who feeds the homeless in her spare time she's still a whore. Either that or don't say anything at all. And no I don't care if it was 27 years ago the woman is still a beast.
I met this person - she's tiny, a nurse and seems to be pretty nice. However, if she hadn't cheated on TC in college and broken his heart there's a chance he could have beautiful dark headed children instead of the fair hairs he has. It ticks me off every time her stupid mug is in the paper about being a nurse practitioner - blah blah blah. All I want to read in the paper is that she was arrested for prostitution or caught in a ponzi scheme.
Am I jealous - apparently. Do I think I have anything to worry about - probably not. Does my friend need to worry about what kind of ugliness I'm cooking up for next time - you betcha! If her husbands ex wasn't a raving lunatic I would go on and on about how super fantastic she is.
My girlfriends in Atlanta wouldn't do this. They would agree that she was "bless her heart" wretched. People here don't seem to get that and it drives me crazy. If you think she's swell then just listen to the story and keep your pie hole shut. Or read, memorize and abide by the rules in the book. Or go be friends with a whore - I don't care...

Monday, May 4, 2009

Is there any body out there....

I'm pretty convinced no one is reading my blog - which is fine. I started this as cheap therapy and cheap therapy shouldn't involve having people read about my issues. Quite frankly, maybe you are reading the blog and your mama raised you that if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all - therefore, don't comment on the crazy peaches and cheeses blog. Fair enough.

I've become super dull. My life consists of driving to preschool, shopping at Target and the occasional night out at Moe's. The excitement of my weekend was that it was warm enough to venture outside instead of sitting my big 'ol butt on the couch and watching the Real Housewives of something (which by the way is my guilty pleasure - those crazy bats make me look normal). Aside from that and the occasional lunch with a girl friend, to gossip about those we may or may not like, I'm pretty boring and useless.

School will be out in a few weeks for my oldest and my middle baby gets out next week (I had youngest but had to go back and change - how weird to now have three). What the hell am I going to do with three boys home all summer? I'm exhausted just thinking about it. The problem with all this is my boys fight A LOT! They don't scream, yell and cry like sisters but they punch, kick, hit and smack each other usually for no apparent reason setting of a vicious cycle of wrestle mania. It's obnoxious. It seems that if they're bored then one is going to try and tick off the other. I can only handle so much before I feel like jumping in the middle and taking matters into my own hands. There are only so many summer school classes, swim lessons, and vacation bible schools they can attend. They still will be home for a good portion of every day. I think I need to start drinking immediately.

Aside from the fighting kids we've been pretty busy. We had the stupid Gala event again - GAG, we had a wedding to attend and we've had a couple of hot dates. One was out to dinner and then to a comedy club. Here's what I leaned at the comedy club. I'm no longer 22 and therefore should not stay out past 10 p.m., and I've become such a mommy that when the comedian used foul language I looked around to see if there were children present. I hate feeling old! This weekend we're going to a concert to see Keith Urban (yummy) and The Zac Brown Band - who by the way went to college with me. I remember going to listen to him sing, and I know he was a friend of a friend but I don't remember ever meeting him. However, college was a blur and for all I know we were besties and he's missing me terribly. At least that's what I'm telling people here. They don't need to know the truth. All they need to know is that I'm so hip, cool and southern that I am friends with Michael Johns from American Idol and Zac Brown from Zac Brown Band.

I think this session of Peaches and Cheese cheap therapy is over. I will attempt to come up with something clever to rant about in the near future. Until then - thanks for reading (or not) and have a great weekend!