Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!!!!

We had a fairly uneventful Halloween. Excluding the sugar high we did pretty well. The boys dressed up like a Clone Trooper and Darth Vadar. Pretty scary. It was a beautiful warm day here today - low 60's - so it was perfect for Trick or Treating. It's never been this warm on Halloween here before. The boys are usually in hats and mittens (or socks on their hands if I haven't gotten around to finding mittens for the year - which I haven't) and long underwear and look more like snowmen than whatever they've dressed up as. This year I still had them in long underwear - we can't break tradition - and when they got home after running house to house they were burning up. The little one was on such a sugar high that he kept yelling for me to take off his costume.
Last year TC bought a stupid mad scientist named Dr. Shivers that says spooky crap and holds candy. I hate him. The little one was afraid of him last year and things didn't get much better this year. We brought him upstairs from the basement last weekend and put him in the dining room. Darth wouldn't go in the dining room all week. He kept telling me "I'm tough, I'm not scared" but wouldn't go in the dining room alone. I wanted to take a picture of him and Dr. Shivers but he wouldn't go near him. We've used Dr. Shivers as a threat - like shape up or you're going in the basement with Dr. Shivers. Whips him into shape every time. When his brother gets mad at him he goes and turns him on so he'll talk. The little one can't handle it. It's mean I know but sometimes you've gotta do what you gotta do :) Dr. Shivers is going back in the basement tomorrow. The little one can stay with me.
Hope everyone had a spooktacular Halloween and had some boolicious candy! I told my neighbor that I was craving butterfingers so she gave me at least 12 full size bars. TC was super embarrassed. Whatever.
Now let's get ready for Thanksgiving - Gobble Gobble.... and Christmas. Santa will be here before you know it (lawdy, lawdy).

Sunday, October 26, 2008


I am beyond annoyed right now - totally. 100%. annoyed. In the next 2 months I have to get through Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not to mention we have school events, TC is going hunting, my family is coming for a visit, Christmas parties, shopping etc. all before we have our third child in January. No pressure really. In that time I need to accomplish a multitude of projects here at the house. I need to convert a storage area into a play room, convert a play room into a real room, remove tacky furniture that I hate and TC insists we may need some day (maybe for the bonfire I'll have in the back yard if it's not removed soon but not for anything else), and set up a nursery. I would like all of this done before Thanksgiving so I can sit on my large and in charge ass and eat peppermint bark and watch sappy movies during the Christmas season.
Here is the GIANT problem - my husband. He has absolutely zero desire to get anything done. Yesterday after breakfast he wanted to make a game plan. I was elated. I thought that maybe we would have some of the hard stuff finished before the end of the weekend. After looking at all the crap we have to do he basically turned off his listening ears and decided to find anything else he could do instead of what we had just discussed. Yesterday he swept the kitchen, went to the grocery store, made chicken dip and cheddar biscuits for a party we were going to and though it might be a good time to finally change the knobs on the closet doors in the basement that I've wanted changed for a year now. The screws were too short so he was going to go to the hardware store. That's when I threatened his life. I totally appreciated the sweeping and the baking since it needed to be done anyway but seriously. This morning he decided today was the day he was going to go help his parents rake their yard. As much as they do for us and as much as they deserve our help, I'm not sure why today out of the last 5 freaking years was the day he needed to rake. I told him if he left the house without getting the crap out of the soon to be play area he could just stay at his parents. He accomplished that - and when he gets home he's going to take the trash to his truck so in 6 months he can take it to a dump somewhere. So stupid.
I realize I'm also procrastinating at doing what needs to be done. However, I'm 6 months pregnant and have an excuse. What's his excuse - too damn dumb? NO! He's not - he's super smart and kind of helpful and if caboose doesn't have a place to sleep when he gets here I'm going to be pissed!!!!! I realize the baby can sleep in a box if need be. However, if you or he thinks I'm going to have more energy after the baby gets here then you're all smokin the crack pipe!
I'm going to go and get something accomplished. Tonight I'm going to lay on the floor and moan about the pain in my backside that won't go away from doing too much work. I'm then going to go to bed and take all the covers. Tomorrow I'm not going to wash any of his underwear and fix his least favorite meal. Then I'm going to complain about my back all over again. Two can play your game TC and everyone knows mama always wins.

UPDATE: Jackass showed up an hour late from helping his folks. He was "impressed" with what I had accomplished. Wanted a hug - did not get one. Didn't understand why I was annoyed today when he told me about this yesterday. Answer: I reserve the right to become annoyed at any time. He is now building the shelves we bought - at 5:30. I guess he's showing me. Now I'll be forced to clean up the current play room and start moving crap. However, I can't do that by myself either. Do I have to pout again next weekend? Probably...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Yes officer...

As I have said before, I am the worlds slowest driver. I only drive 70 on the highway (speed limit is 65) and I'll only go 5 miles over on other roads. However, tonight I was pulled over for speeding. I was apparently going 41 in a 25. First of all, when the entire 5 mile road is 35 mph, why in the world would less than 1/4 of it be 25? Why go to the trouble? I suppose to have a reason to pull someone over and make some extra money for Satan's pants. The officer said it was because there are children at that end of the street. Well, here's a news flash - there are children on my end of the street by my neighborhood too but that speed limit is 35, plus there's a school and a playground in the middle of the street and the limit is 35 (it's a long street and no it's technically not residential). What makes the west side so damn special that they get to call and complain about the crazy speeders? So stupid.
Here's another thought - when you see a pregnant woman in a navy blue mini van does that scream speed demon? No, it screams "she doesn't realize that the speed limit is different for the west side of the street". What part of sensible mom car do you not understand? And what part of "I'm pregnant and I need to potty" don't you understand?
As I was waiting for the officer to come back and tell me I owed him $250 for driving over the speed limit several cars drove by. Even though it's a two lane road they all had to stop and take a look. Apparently they needed to see if it was one of their neighbors getting a ticket or just another hoodlum in a blue mini van. I didn't recognize any of the rubber neckers, but I was "fixin" to show them some southern hospitality with my middle finger if they didn't move on. Getting a ticket is stressful enough, being stared out by people in a 1984 Trans Am, who are probably on their way to Shoots to have a few is just wrong.
After Officer James went and looked me up on his handy dandy computer he came back and gave me a written warning. Apparently I have a clean record and he wants to help me keep it that way. I think he just realized that I wasn't blowing smoke up his yahoo when I said I didn't realize it was a 25 mph zone. A pregnant women in a mini van would not make something like that up. However, I must admit I did thicken up my accent for him just a little. You gotta shake what your mama gave you when you need to :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Bar Crawl

A friend of my husbands from Atlanta came to our neck of the woods for a quick visit last week. Apparently he's from here, but his family was smart enough to move south many years ago. He went to a football game with TC and they had a great time. Football here is the ONLY thing going on so they take their tailgating seriously. The friend said it was the best time he had had tailgating at a pro game (duh) but he and his wife had a blast tailgating for the Alabama game that was played at the Georgia Dome. Apparently they caught Marta, got off at every stop and hit a cool bar. Then got down to the Dome and drank some more. I thought this was an awesome idea! However, here's how it would go here:
We could start either at the bar right down the street from our house which is on the bay. I don't think they play music there so we would probably forgo that one and hit "Shoots" which is closer to the highway anyway. Shoots is one of those bars where most of the customers don't have teeth. The floor is gross, and the ceiling is a drop ceiling and I even feel tall (however the stains in the ceiling make you want to duck). I wouldn't order a mixed drink because I wouldn't want to use their glasses - who knows if they've been washed, and if you don't know any Hank William's Jr. you may as well leave (luckily I do remember a few from fraternity parties at West Georgia so I'm good to go).
Next we would head down an exit and pick up a six pack at the BP. We should probably get some cheese curds while we're there too.
The next exit's bar is the lovely biker bar we went to for a graduation party back in May. I'm pretty sure the theology major is still passed out under the table. They do however have a great jukebox with all kinds of fun 80's music. Again though, just order beer and don't make eye contact with a large man named tiny.
The following exit has a brand spankin new Chili's. You could order a margarita here. I think they have one that's blue. Wow - this is shaping up to be a really exciting bar crawl - snooze....
And now we're at the exit with the big pretty stadium. We have two choices here. We can park our car and have a tailgate party with beer and brats or we can hit one of the many skanky bars that are down by the stadium. I suppose it depends on the weather. This southern chick doesn't attend any outside sporting event in Satan's Pants after October. It's too cold and too stupid.
After the game, if our team has won, we can go across the street to a bar and have a few before we drive back the 4 exits to our house. If you go to a bar, you can bet you'll hear "Come On Eileen" at least 4 times since that seems to be the Satan's Pants theme song.
When we get back to the house we can attempt to sober up by snow blowing the driveway. Good times...

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Yeah hormones

I've been a terrible blogger lately. It's not that I don't want to humor you with my banter, I just don't have a lot to say. I have a bit of the pre "baby blues". This should not be confused with my all out hate of everything Satan's pants. That's another ailment all together. It seems that everything is bringing me down right now - winter, the economy/election, all clothes beginning with maternity, and now after watching Good Morning America and The View, Robin Roberts and breast cancer. Seriously - I think I need happy pills (do they let pregnant women take those?).
Fall in the Midwest is beautiful. It's crisp, cool and lovely. However, do you know what comes after fall? I can't even say it. It's like one of those bad words that I don't say but my sister does (she totally called me one in the comments of my last post - classy). I hate hate hate winter. This sweet southern girl was not meant to wear a parka and snow boots. I actually had a discussion with my husband the other night about whether I should buy these really soft mittens I found or if I should try and find some flip mittens instead since I was going to have to lug around a baby carrier (we're still pondering). That should not be a conversation! I know some of you are thinking that I'm worrying a bit early but I'm really not. Chances are I'll have to buy the boys long underwear to wear under their Halloween costumes. One year the little one had to wear socks on his hands because I hadn't bought him any mittens yet. We went to four houses before his nose was running and his fingers were frozen and he was screaming. Good times.
The economy is something I just can't talk about. Mainly because I'm not truly understanding the crisis. I have though become consumed with watching the stock market. I log in to yahoo every hour to see if it's gone up, down or stayed the same. I have no idea why though. It's obsessive compulsive and makes me sick and nervous. There is no telling why. I understand that we have major problems to work out. However, I have faith that things will work out at some point. I have faith in my husband that he will take care of my family. I'm worried about it like everyone else but I think I may have gone to an extreme.
Maternity clothes - need I say more? Stupid, ugly and more stupid. I look gross and fat and I'm not happy about it. The sad thing - I'm only going to get bigger. I won't stay this size. No - I'll expand even more until I freaking pop. Will it be worth it in the end - yes. Is it worth it to me right now that you're listening to me rant about tacky clothes - yes. Thank you for that.
As far as Robin Roberts goes - bless her. I've followed her story this past year and I think she's handled her situation with a lot of grace. Today however, it struck me a bit differently and I had to cry about it. Not once, but twice. She's doing fine, I'll be fine, we'll all be fine. However, some happy pills might make everything a bit more fine....

Friday, October 3, 2008

Dear sis...

Dear All About Owen,
In response to your letter, and because it's debate season, I have a few thought I wanted to share. Yes, it is 100% crap that Atlanta doesn't have any gas. Especially since it's a commuter town and 90% of the metro Atlanta population is probably still sitting on 75/85, 285 or 20 as we speak burning precious fuel. That stinks - especially since right now it is $4.00 a gallon. I will give Satan's pants a point for being able to avoid traffic - although our gas right now is $3.45 a gallon which is still stupid.
This morning however I would assume you did not wake up to the first frost of the season (it's only October 3rd for crying out loud). Your weather man didn't tell you that traditionally the first snow flakes fall sometime in October -which in my opinion is just plain wrong. And you my friend don't have to live in a Blue state.
I would love to tool to the home of the hit song "Everybody is somebody in Snellville" to watch bad football. I would love to be there so I can tell you to go burn more gas and fix your hair because I'm pretty sure brown on you isn't going to work (you're beautiful - just do something about your roots and call it a day), and I would love to give your precious little boy hugs and kisses until he tells me to go away (right now he has no idea who his aunt is and that is heart breaking). However, I can't because I'm stuck in SATAN'S PANTS.
So if we're keeping score I would have to say there are pro's and con's to each. However, in my opinion Atlanta is doing far better than this cow pasture I have to call home.
By the way - from my house I can't see Russia but I can smell poo from animals and there are flies galore since we live near a farm (which everyone here does). Kind of makes the pretty leaves a little less pretty...
Love you and miss you terribly,