As I have said before, I am the worlds slowest driver. I only drive 70 on the highway (speed limit is 65) and I'll only go 5 miles over on other roads. However, tonight I was pulled over for speeding. I was apparently going 41 in a 25. First of all, when the entire 5 mile road is 35 mph, why in the world would less than 1/4 of it be 25? Why go to the trouble? I suppose to have a reason to pull someone over and make some extra money for Satan's pants. The officer said it was because there are children at that end of the street. Well, here's a news flash - there are children on my end of the street by my neighborhood too but that speed limit is 35, plus there's a school and a playground in the middle of the street and the limit is 35 (it's a long street and no it's technically not residential). What makes the west side so damn special that they get to call and complain about the crazy speeders? So stupid.
Here's another thought - when you see a pregnant woman in a navy blue mini van does that scream speed demon? No, it screams "she doesn't realize that the speed limit is different for the west side of the street". What part of sensible mom car do you not understand? And what part of "I'm pregnant and I need to potty" don't you understand?
As I was waiting for the officer to come back and tell me I owed him $250 for driving over the speed limit several cars drove by. Even though it's a two lane road they all had to stop and take a look. Apparently they needed to see if it was one of their neighbors getting a ticket or just another hoodlum in a blue mini van. I didn't recognize any of the rubber neckers, but I was "fixin" to show them some southern hospitality with my middle finger if they didn't move on. Getting a ticket is stressful enough, being stared out by people in a 1984 Trans Am, who are probably on their way to Shoots to have a few is just wrong.
After Officer James went and looked me up on his handy dandy computer he came back and gave me a written warning. Apparently I have a clean record and he wants to help me keep it that way. I think he just realized that I wasn't blowing smoke up his yahoo when I said I didn't realize it was a 25 mph zone. A pregnant women in a mini van would not make something like that up. However, I must admit I did thicken up my accent for him just a little. You gotta shake what your mama gave you when you need to :)
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4 comments:
I bet it was that sweet southern accent that helped get you out of a ticket.
I'm going to remember to break out a nice southern drawl next time I run into the law up north.
Cops irritate me. How about you go mess with the drug dealers and robbers?
Exactly... The pregnant lady in the silly blue mini van is harmless. Luckily he figured that out. I think if my accent hadn't worked I may have said my water broke (you're too skinny to use that one).
When you come North, bring Jill and stop by. We can party like rock stars in Satan's Pants - how many Southerners can say that :)
The southern drawl does not work here in the south...tried it yesterday...did not work.
First speeding ticket ever. NOT HAPPY.
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