Motherhood

Maternity clothes are made for pregnant women by people who work for the devil. This, I believe is a fact. My "real" clothes are no longer working. I don't think that I should have be be nauseated, exhausted and wearing tight clothes. However, since I haven't told that many people about the caboose I really don't need a shirt that says "Baby on Board" or "It's not Easy being Queasy" (and yes, these tacky shirts do exist). So I went to the mommy maternity store in the mall yesterday afternoon. Everything was UGLY! First, I hate the shirts that tie in the back. If you want to scream "I'm pregnant" then buy those. If not then no thanks. Second, the t-shirts are small. Now, I know that the style right now in maternity is for the shirt to be tight on the belly so everyone can see how your innie bellybutton has become an outie. However, when you're not the worlds tiniest person and it's tight in the belly it also becomes tight on your rear end. You may as well iron on some letters that say "wide load coming through" - and believe me there is room. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I have to look ugly. Third, as I was checking out the shirts they had one in particular that caught my eye hanging above the checkout. It had a tie in the back, was tight in the front, and was PEACH! Yes, the same peach I wore in 7th grade with bunchy socks and a scrunchie that matched. I was appalled. I had to get out of that store as fast as I could. Who would wear that? I'll tell you who - tacky women in Satan's Pants that haven't left the year 1987.
The problem here is that there really isn't anywhere else other than the gross store in the mall that sells maternity clothes. I don't want to spend a fortune at the Pea in the Pod because you only wear these clothes for a short time and as I've said before - THIS IS IT! Plus, the maternity clothes I have from my first two are super ugly (why didn't anyone tell me the green gingham dress was awful). I can't do mail order because who knows what really fits. So, I'm in a bit of a pickle (get it pickle).
On the bright side I was able to sit through a cut and color the other day and my hair is fabulous. Too bad I don't have any clothes to match my hair and my vivacious personality...
XOXO - Fat Pregnant Girl...